Three Percent Listening to Desire with Jay Stringer
**Learn more about our new membership community, The Basement: https://threepercentco.com/membership
Season 2 opens with a courageous and deeply important conversation with therapist and author Jay Stringer about unwanted sexual behavior, shame, trauma, and the pathway toward lasting healing.
Blake and Jamie sit down with Jay to unpack the often-hidden connection between sexual struggles and unresolved stories of pain, loneliness, and attachment wounds. Rather than reducing these behaviors to mere self-control issues, Jay reframes them as signposts, clues pointing toward deeper unmet needs and past experiences that shaped how we cope, seek comfort, and manage distress.
Takeaways
Unwanted sexual behaviors are often rooted in unresolved pain, loneliness, or trauma.
Shame thrives in secrecy but loses power in honest, safe relationships.
Curiosity about our story leads to deeper transformation than simple behavior management.
Sexual struggles often reflect attempts to regulate overwhelming emotions.
Healing requires honesty, community, and addressing the underlying wounds—not just the symptoms.
Integrity grows when we align our behaviors with our deeper longings for connection and wholeness.
Check out more from Jay Stringer:
Website – https://jay-stringer.com
Instagram – @jay_stringer
Books by Jay Stringer
Learn more about Three Percent:
Join the Basement, our new membership community: https://threepercentco.com/membership
Instagram – @threepercent.co
Chapters
(00:00) Introduction & Why Shame Is a “Merciless Narrator”
(02:00) Season 2 Kickoff & Introducing Jay Stringer
(04:30) The Core Thesis of Unwanted — Behaviors as Signposts
(08:00) Moving from Moral Failure to Story & Curiosity
(12:00) How Shame Blocks Understanding and Keeps Men Stuck
(16:00) Sexual Behavior as an Attempt to Regulate Pain
(20:00) Attachment Wounds, Loneliness, and Early Life Stories
(24:00) The Power of Curiosity Over Condemnation
(28:00) Arousal Templates & How Our Stories Shape Desire
(33:00) Faith, Sexuality, and the Limits of Behavior Management
(38:00) Naming the Underlying Longings Beneath Struggle
(43:00) The Role of Honest Community in Breaking Secrecy
(47:00) Practical Steps Toward Healing and Integrity
(51:00) Rewriting Internal Narratives with Compassion
(55:00) Hope, Transformation, and the Path Forward
Keywords
Jay Stringer, unwanted sexual behavior, sexual integrity, shame, trauma, healing, pornography, addiction, men’s mental health, story work, attachment wounds, emotional regulation, masculinity, honesty, recovery, spiritual formation, Three Percent podcast