I Have ADHD Podcast 390 Two Steps Forward, Three Steps Back (Why You Keep Self-Sabotaging and How to Finally Stop)
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Mar 31, 2026 A deep dive into why people with ADHD repeatedly get in their own way and return to familiar patterns. They explore how identity and set points like money, time, and weight drive sabotage. The conversation covers cognitive dissonance, why failure can feel safer than success, and practical scripts to ride discomfort instead of reverting. Listeners are invited to name core beliefs and practice new identity statements.
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Self Sabotage Is An Identity Pull
- Self-sabotage is when you unconsciously interfere with your own progress to return to what feels familiar.
- Kristen explains this is identity-driven: we revert to a default belief (e.g., I always run late) even when reality changes.
Set Points Explain Why Gains Disappear
- People unconsciously return to a 'set point' across domains like money, weight, and time even when circumstances change.
- Kristen uses money examples (comfort with <$1,000 checking) to show how unfamiliar gains get erased to match identity.
Failure Is Familiar; Success Is Unmapped
- For many ADHD adults failure is familiar and mapped while success lacks a mental map, making success feel scarier than failure.
- Kristen notes we have practiced failing and recovering but often lack scripts for sustainable success.