Executive Functioning: The "Why" Behind ADHD Struggles

16 snips

Feb 18, 2026

Dani Donovan, ADHD advocate, comic artist, and author of The Anti-Planner, joins to unpack executive functioning. Short, clear takes explore why misunderstanding fuels shame. They cover why trying harder fails, the gap between knowing and doing, how past criticism creates avoidance, and practical environmental shifts that reduce friction and blame.

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INSIGHT

Misunderstanding Creates Blame

Misunderstanding executive functioning makes children feel like a broken problem instead of revealing barriers.
Asking 'why' shifts blame into curiosity and opens pathways to solutions.

ADVICE

Stop Telling Them To Try Harder

Avoid saying 'try harder' because effort alone won't change neurobiology-driven struggles.
Replace pressure with curiosity and problem-solving to reduce shame and get real progress.

INSIGHT

Hidden Energy Costs Explain Gaps

Neurodivergent people often expend far more effort to reach the same task start line, leaving less energy to finish tasks.
That unseen energy cost explains why tasks look easy for some and exhausting for others.

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What if the problem isn't motivation… but misunderstanding?

In this episode, we dive deep into executive functioning and the powerful role of "why" in understanding ADHD and neurodivergent children and teens.

Joining me is Dani Donovan — ADHD advocate, comic artist, and author of The Anti-Planner — for an honest and validating conversation about procrastination, overwhelm, shame, and the myth of laziness.

If you've ever thought:

"Why won't they just do it?"
"They know what to do — so why aren't they doing it?"
"Am I doing something wrong as a parent?"
"Why does trying harder not work?"

This episode is for you.

We explore:

Why executive functioning struggles are not laziness
The critical difference between knowing and doing
Why shame never improves behavior
How misunderstanding leads to blame
The emotional experience of ADHD
Why "trying harder" is not a strategy
How asking "why?" changes everything
Practical ways to shift from frustration to curiosity
Why understanding must come before intervention

For parents, this conversation offers relief and clarity.

For therapists and clinicians, it reinforces the importance of neurodiversity-affirming, emotionally attuned support that reduces shame and builds capacity.

When we understand the why behind executive functioning challenges, we stop seeing a "problem child" — and start seeing a nervous system that needs support.

Because if they could, they would.

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About Holly Blanc Moses

Holly Blanc Moses is a neurodivergent psychologist, speaker, consultant, continuing education provider, and host of The Autism ADHD Podcast, Autism ADHD TV, and parent masterclasses.

About Dani Donovan

Dani Donovan is an ADHD content creator, public speaker, and author of The Anti-Planner. Through her viral comics and practical tools, she helps people better understand executive functioning, productivity struggles, and the emotional experience of living with ADHD. Make sure to get The Anti-Planner (clean version) and The Anti-Planner (original version)