'How do I access truth?' Listener question

I have a lot of respect for you, have read all your books, and resonate with how you "teach" about life and how you help people. 

Honestly, I am at a point where I don't know whether to reach out to someone who I respect, or just try to stop saying and feeling the same things over and over. It has taken me several months feeling this way to decide to finally write to you. As you have said many times, we can't stop the thoughts that go on repeat in our brains/computers. 

This is a difficult email to compose, as I really have no business taking up your precious time, so I'm apologizing up front. My hope is, you will read it, and make some sense of it.

I am 64, two time cancer survivor, divorcee,  and full of unrest. When I was sick, I lost everything, and to make a long story short, I was one week from becoming homeless, and all I have been able to do is put bandaids on my entire existence and financial situation. It is the only way I can describe it and as truthfully as I can. "Reality!" LOL! 

I was able to keep my home, although like many, I am living month-to-month, and so close to the losing it all. At my age, job prospects are very slim to none when the income level I need is higher than most. 

My biggest regret is not paying cash for my home when I could have. I listened to everyone BUT my own wisdom. Here in America, we get brainwashed into going into debt, so we have a credit rating, AND, supposed tax benefits that have all gone away. Who knew I would get sick, lose everything,  and not have anyone or any thing to fall back on at all. 

Like many have said and thought............why me? 

I have made many, many mistakes. Am I being punished? Why would GOD, (The way I choose to define the Universe.), hurt itself, after giving us the greatest gift of all, "FREE WILL." It makes no sense. 

To get right to the point, I wake up every day, thinking the same "thoughts", with a feeling of complete unrest, unhappiness, and all the other words to explain the emptiness I feel. I don't have any more to say about it other than I want to hand it off to GOD, the Universe, Universal Mind. My question is this. How do I let go? Truly let go? I want to be free. Why do I keep on shouldering everything I do? We are all one?

There are no more words, analogies, sentences, or ways to explain. I know in my heart I want to continue looking within, turn to the inside, my heart and soul. I want to so badly. I don't know how. 

If someone could answer the question of how to turn inside, to be ourselves, to just be, and could actually make it happen, it would help a lot of people. Is it possible to feel like I have never truly been me other than when I was younger. I have a medal I had made when I was a child. It says, "Keep That Winning Feeling!". I felt that "special feeling", and knew enough back then to recognize it and want to keep it. I have been chasing it ever since. I know it's LOVE. 

Feel free to respond if you want to. As I said above, you are very well respected, and in my heart, you are someone who "gets it". Life, Love, whatever this is. 

While writing this, a thought came to me that said the word, TRUTH. I have always looked to the outside, whether it was my mom, counselors, teachers, friends, stuff, etc. looking for direction. Not to get all wu wu, I would love answers from my GOD. How do I know it's TRUTH/WISDOM coming to me within?

Thank you for your time and I hope this makes some kind of sense.