The Curious Advantage Podcast 94: The You-Then-Me Principle: The Communication Hack Every Leader Needs with Salvatore Manzi (Leadership Coach)
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Feb 11, 2026 Salvatore Manzi, a communication and leadership coach who helps data-driven leaders turn expertise into influence. He explains the You-Then-Me Principle: start by acknowledging others to build collaboration. He shows why empathy is a leadership advantage and outlines practicing acknowledgments, avoiding ‘but’, and using curiosity to create presence and tailor messages for high-stakes moments.
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Replace But With And To Preserve Connection
- Avoid starting a validating statement with but; use and instead.
- Salvatore recommends replacing reflexive 'but' with 'and' to preserve the other person's contribution and grease the conversational wheel.
Build Empathy In Low Stakes First
- Train the you-then-me habit in low-stakes contexts first.
- Practice with partners, kids, or peers until empathy becomes automatic so you can access it under pressure.
Data Lead Got Promoted By Speaking With Empathy
- A health data leader was ignored until she acknowledged stakeholders' feelings before presenting data.
- After shifting to you-then-me language she connected more and was promoted from director to senior VP.
