Parenting Teenagers Untangled: The award-winning podcast for parents of tweens and teens, offering realistic, science-backed advice for calmer, more connected family life.

The Thing Parents, Tweens and Teens Need Most: Mattering with Jennifer Breheny-Wallace

36 snips

Feb 25, 2026

Guest

Jennifer B Wallace

Jennifer Wallace, award-winning journalist and author of Mattering, explores why feeling valued matters for teens and adults. She explains how adolescence and achievement pressure erode worth. Practical ideas include reducing criticism, prioritizing affection, strengthening adults’ own sense of value, and leaning into intrinsic values over social media‑driven comparison.

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INSIGHT

Mattering Is A Meta Need

Mattering is a meta-need meaning we're valued for who we are, not just achievements.
Jennifer B Wallace explains it sits above belonging and agency and drives behaviour throughout life, especially adolescence.

INSIGHT

Adolescence Makes Mattering Fragile

Adolescents' sense of mattering is fragile because identity forms around achievement, appearance, and social status.
Wallace cites Henry Nowen's three lies: I am what I have, I am what I do, I am what people think.

INSIGHT

Adults' Mattering Affects Kids

Adults also experience not-mattering at work and in community, which reduces their capacity to support kids.
Wallace contrasts past neighbourhood reliance with modern loneliness and device numbing.

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Ask Rachel anything

Beneath all of the noise when it comes to parenting teens comes mattering; the deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?

The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need.

She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children.

Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships.

She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children.

FIND JENNIFER HERE

BUY MATTERING HERE

RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE

Mattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.
The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.
Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.
Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.
Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.
Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.
Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.
Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.
Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.

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