Parenting Teenagers Untangled - Understand and Talk to Your Teenager

The Thing We All Need Most: Mattering

36 snips

Feb 25, 2026

Jennifer Wallace, award-winning journalist and author of Mattering, explores why feeling valued matters for teens and adults. She explains how adolescence and achievement pressure erode worth. Practical ideas include reducing criticism, prioritizing affection, strengthening adults’ own sense of value, and leaning into intrinsic values over social media‑driven comparison.

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INSIGHT

Adults' Mattering Affects Kids

Adults also experience not-mattering at work and in community, which reduces their capacity to support kids.
Wallace contrasts past neighbourhood reliance with modern loneliness and device numbing.

ADVICE

Prioritise Adult Peer Support Weekly

Shore up adult mattering first by joining small peer groups for support and weekly connection.
Wallace cites a Mayo Clinic study where weekly 12-week peer meetings lowered cortisol and improved well-being.

ADVICE

Minimise Criticism And Show Joy Daily

Minimise criticism and prioritise affection to show unconditional worth.
Wallace suggests separating deed from doer and greeting children daily with visible delight like a joyful pet.

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Ask Rachel anything

Mattering is a deep human need to feel valued beyond achievements. It's something we all need, but are we getting it?

The new book by Jennifer Breheney-Wallace focuses on "Mattering," discussing how societal pressures, particularly on teenagers, exacerbate this need.

She emphasizes the importance of adults feeling valued at work to better support their children.

Wallace suggests practical strategies like minimizing criticism, prioritizing affection, and fostering interdependent relationships.

She also highlights the impact of social media on extrinsic values and stresses the need for parents to focus on intrinsic values to raise resilient, well-rounded children.

FIND JENNIFER HERE:

https://www.jenniferbwallace.com/

BUY MATTERING HERE:

https://amzn.eu/d/0fX3Q4Kd

FIND RACHEL'S SUBSTACK ARTICLE TO ACCOMPANY THIS INTERVIEW HERE:

https://open.substack.com/pub/teenagersuntangled/p/you-matter-no-matter-what?r=2u24i0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

Mattering is a fundamental human need that drives behavior.
The adolescent years are particularly fragile for developing a sense of mattering.
Adults also struggle with feelings of not mattering, impacting their ability to support teens.
Building connections and support systems is essential for both parents and children.
Minimizing criticism and prioritizing affection helps children feel valued.
Surrounding oneself with supportive families can reinforce shared values.
Focusing on intrinsic values over extrinsic ones promotes better mental health.
Social media exacerbates feelings of inadequacy and should be monitored.
Parents can counter achievement pressures by communicating unconditional love.

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