Flirtations! with Benjamin, the Flirt Coach 138. Fawning: The Hidden Trauma Response with Dr. Ingrid Clayton
Coming up on this episode of Flirtations, we welcome Dr. Ingrid Clayton to the show! Dr. Clayton is a clinical psychologist, speaker, and author of the brand-new book Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves and How to Find Our Way Back.
If you’ve ever found yourself people-pleasing, over-accommodating, or twisting into knots to keep the peace in dating and relationships, this episode is for you.
Fawning is known as the ‘fourth trauma response’—alongside fight, flight, and freeze—and it’s one that often flies under the radar. It can look like kindness or care, but at its core, it’s a survival strategy that leads to self-abandonment.
In this conversation, we’ll unpack what fawning really is, how it shows up in dating and relationships, the cost of constantly prioritizing others and—most importantly—how to begin the healing journey so you can show up in dating without losing yourself.
Along the way, we’ll also get into how fawning is different from people pleasing and masking, what happens in the body during a trauma, and strategies for reclaiming the self.
This one is about understanding the roots of the most overlooked trauma response and carving a path forward for healing.
Alright Flirties, let’s do this, and meet Dr. Ingrid Clayton!
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About our guest: Dr. Ingrid Clayton is a clinical psychologist with a Master’s in transpersonal psychology and a PhD in clinical psychology. She is an author whose groundbreaking work explores
complex trauma and the fawn response. With over two decades of clinical experience, Ingrid
blends personal narrative, psychological research, and cultural insight to offer a fresh, de-
shaming perspective on healing.
Her work integrates trauma-informed modalities like Somatic Experiencing, EMDR, and other nervous system–oriented practices that support real, embodied transformation. She believes healing happens in relationship, and the heart of her practice has always been real connection and collaboration.
Ingrid’s work has been featured in Psychology Today, Oprah Daily, Women’s Health and more.
Her memoir, Believing Me: Healing from Narcissistic Abuse and Complex Trauma, has resonated
with thousands of readers for its honesty, humor, and heart.
Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves -- and How to Find Our Way Back
About your host: Benjamin is a flirt and dating coach sharing his love of flirting and BFE - big flirt energy - with the world! A lifelong introvert and socially anxious member of society, Benjamin now helps singles and daters alike flirt with more confidence, clarity, and fun!
As the flirt is all about connection, Benjamin helps the flirt community (the Flirties!) date from a place that allows the value of connection in all forms - platonic, romantic, and with the self - to take center stage.
Ultimately, this practice of connection helps flirters and daters alike create stronger relationships, transcend limiting beliefs, and develop an unwavering love for the self.
His work has been featured in Fortune, NBC News, The Huffington Post, Men's Health, and Yoga Journal.
You can connect with Benjamin on Instagram, TikTok, watch on YouTube, and stream the Flirtations Flirtcast everywhere you listen to podcasts (like right here!), and find out more about working together 1:1 here.