Episode 249: Clinician's Corner - Understanding the Fawn Response

Oct 3, 2025

Molly and Clarissa delve into the fawn response, a misunderstood survival strategy rooted in trauma. They share personal stories of how fawning developed in their childhoods, revealing its effects on identity and relationships. The conversation highlights adaptive versus maladaptive fawning, stressing its role in addiction and self-neglect. They discuss the symptoms of this response, including difficulty saying no and emotional exhaustion. The duo also offers pathways to healing, encouraging self-awareness and small boundary-setting practices.

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INSIGHT

Adaptive Versus Maladaptive Fawning

Fawning can be adaptive (keeping a job, appeasing dangerous authorities) and is sometimes necessary for survival.
The problem arises when the response generalizes to non-threatening social situations.

INSIGHT

Recognize Common Fawn Symptoms

Common signs of fawning include difficulty saying no, over-apologizing, and hypervigilance to others' cues.
These lead to emotional exhaustion, resentment, and loss of personal wants and boundaries.

INSIGHT

Origins In Conditional Love

Childhood environments with conditional love, neglect, or abuse strongly predispose people to fawning.
The child's brain equates appeasement with survival when caregivers withdraw love or punish.

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In this episode, Molly Painschab and Clarissa Kennedy reconnect after three transformative weeks together—first in London for the International Food Addiction and Comorbidities Conference, then exploring the magic of Scotland. From castles and waterfalls to ancient standing stones, they share the joy of work, play, and community in recovery.

But the heart of today's conversation is the fawn response—a trauma survival strategy often misunderstood as "people pleasing." Drawing on their own stories and professional experiences, Molly and Clarissa explore how fawning develops, why it feels so challenging to change, and how it manifests in recovery and relationships.

What We Talk About

Fawning explained: Why it's more than people pleasing and how it functions as a survival strategy.
Personal stories: Growing up in emotionally immature households, learning to appease, and the impact on identity and relationships.
Adaptive vs. maladaptive fawning: When appeasement helps us survive—and when it harms us.
Symptoms and signs: From difficulty saying no, over-apologizing, and hypervigilance to identity loss and emotional exhaustion.
Why fawning is reinforced: Cultural, gender, and relational factors that reward compliance at the cost of selfhood.
Professional insights: What clinicians and helpers need to know about clients who fawn—including vulnerability to relapse, self-neglect, and difficulty with boundaries.
Pathways to healing: Building awareness, practicing small boundaries, parts work, somatic tools, and self-compassion as antidotes to shame.
Grief and growth: Naming the loss that comes with shifting out of fawning while also reclaiming voice, choice, and authenticity.

Invitation for Listeners

This week, reflect on a time you said "yes" when you truly wanted to say "no." What small, safe boundary might you practice instead? Notice how your body responds, and give yourself permission to honor your needs—one step at a time.

✨ Resources Mentioned

Are You Mad at Me? by Meg Josephson
Sweet Sobriety Membership & Groups: www.sweetsobriety.ca

💌 Email Us: foodjunkiespodcast@gmail.com

The content of our show is educational only. It does not supplement or supersede your healthcareprovider's professional relationship and direction. Always seek the advice of your physician or other qualified mental health providers with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition,substance use disorder, or mental health concern.