Harvard Thinking The perils of perfectionism
Dec 17, 2025
Jennifer Breheny Wallace, journalist studying achievement pressure; Ellen Hendriksen, clinical psychologist focused on anxiety and self-acceptance; Michaela Kerrissey, management researcher on psychological safety. They explore how perfectionism shows up in families and workplaces. Conversations cover mental health risks, when high standards become toxic, using vulnerability and mattering to reconnect, and reframing drive toward mastery.
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Cultivate Mattering To Counter Perfectionism
- Strengthen a sense of 'mattering' so self-worth isn't solely achievement-based.
- Value people for who they are and the meaningful roles they play, not just their successes.
Hold Standards With Room For Mistakes
- Keep high standards but allow permission to make mistakes and ask questions.
- Don't lower ambitions; reframe standards to include room for inevitable setbacks.
Perfectionism Is An Interpersonal Problem
- Perfectionism is interpersonal: people may feel they must earn belonging through performance.
- Friendships usually rest on how we feel together, not on each other's achievements.
