The Retirement Wisdom Podcast Making & Keeping Friends…in Retirement – Janice McCabe
Propinquity And Homophily Drive Friendships
- Friendship formation depends heavily on structural factors, not just personality.
- Janice McCabe defines propinquity (repeated proximity) and homophily (similarity) as the two main drivers that explain why people meet and stay connected.
Schedule Time For Friendship Like Any Priority
- Be intentional and schedule time for friendships instead of letting them fill leftover time.
- Set friendship goals, reach out with quick texts or calls, or plan longer visits to prioritize meaningful ties.
Three Friendship Network Types And Their Tradeoffs
- People organize their friendships into network types that shape strengths and maintenance costs.
- McCabe's three types are tight knitters, compartmentalizers, and samplers, each needing different time investments.
Choices shaped your career.
But when retirement approaches, a new design challenge appears.
Not a financial one. A life design challenge.
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In the Designing Your New Life in Retirement program, you’ll step back from the fray and apply design thinking to those questions, with a bias for action.
We begin in April.
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Friendship is one of the most powerful forces shaping our lives—and our health. Friendships become harder to maintain as life evolves, especially during major transitions like retirement. Losing work friends is normal, yet few realize how new connections can be cultivated. Our guest today highlights why identity shifts can, perhaps counterintuitively, create oppotunities to build new friendships.
My guest today is Janice McCabe, is a sociologist at Dartmouth and author of Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends. Her research, mainly on college campuses, illuminates key principles of forming friendships like the hidden structures that shape our friendships.
In this conversation, we explore how anyone—at any stage of life—can become more intentional about building meaningful connections.
- Why friendships are essential for long-term health and well-being
- The two biggest drivers of friendship formation
- Why proximity matters more than we realize
- Three types of friendship networks
- The difference between fading friendships and breakups
If you’re approaching retirement or navigating a major life transition, understanding these patterns can help you design a richer and more connected life.
Janice McCabe joins us from New Hampshire.
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Bio
Janice M. McCabe is associate professor of sociology at Dartmouth College and the Allen House Professor. She is the current president of the Sociology of Education Association and the author of Making, Keeping, and Losing Friends and Connecting in College: How Networks Matter for Academic and Social Success.
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For More on Janice McCabe
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Mentioned in This Retirement Podcast Conversation
I Study Friendship. Here’s How You Make Lasting Friends.
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Retirement Podcast Conversations You May Like
How to Make New Friends in Retirement – Dr. Marisa G. Franco
Our New Social Life – Natalie Kerr & Jaime Kurtz
The Good Life – Marc Schulz, PhD
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About The Retirement Wisdom Podcast
There are many podcasts on retirement, often hosted by financial advisors with their own financial motives, that cover the money side of the street. This podcast is different. You’ll get smarter about the investment decisions you’ll make about the most important asset you’ll have in retirement: your time.
About Retirement Wisdom
I help people who are retiring, but aren’t quite done yet, discover what’s next and build their custom version of their next life. A meaningful retirement doesn’t just happen by accident.
Schedule a call today to discuss how the Designing Your Life process created by Bill Burnett & Dave Evans can help you make your life in retirement a great one — on your own terms.
About Your Podcast Host
Joe Casey is an executive coach who helps people design their next life after their primary career and create their version of The Multipurpose Retirement.™ He created his own next chapter after a 26-year career at Merrill Lynch, where he was Senior Vice President and Head of HR for Global Markets & Investment Banking.
Joe has earned Master’s degrees from the University of Southern California in Gerontology (at age 60), the University of Pennsylvania, and Middlesex University (UK), a BA in Psychology from the University of Massachusetts at Amherst, and his coaching certification from Columbia University.
In addition to his work with clients, Joe hosts The Retirement Wisdom Podcast, ranked in the top 1% globally in popularity by Listen Notes, with over 1.6 million downloads. Business Insider recognized Joe as one of 23 innovative coaches who are making a difference. He’s the author of Win the Retirement Game: How to Outsmart the 9 Forces Trying to Steal Your Joy.
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Wise Quotes
On Life Changes & Friendships
” We’re changing and we’re growing throughout our lives, and there may be times that we change with our friends, and so our identities, our interests change in similar ways, or we’re able to keep some sort of connection through those transitions. But it can be harder for people who are now retired. They likely have friendships that, started earlier in life, and you may have similar transitions with having kids at the same time, or living in the same area or in different areas throughout your lives. So all of those things, some of which are structural. When you’re having those life transitions, sometimes we feel like a friendship is really important to us, but then someone changes jobs, or someone moves, and we may realize that that connection was either more or less important than we thought, just because we took it for granted when it was easy.”
On Prioritizing Friendships
“I interviewed a lot of people in the course of my research and the people that were able to both make and keep particularly meaningful friends, one thing was that they were intentional about is making time for friends. Also being reflective about which friends are most meaningful to you,who are you really excited to see, excited to talk to, excited to do things about and making sure that you’re reaching out to them. That not always, just up to your paths crossing or them reaching out to you, but thinking through, what people do I especially want to prioritize is part of it. Another thing that I saw people do is that is just making time for friendship in general. We typically have goals for our work lives, we may have goals for our family lives, but I’d say most of us don’t have goals for our friendship lives. But having that would help us see that as another really valuable part of life. And so not just letting friendship fill the cracks of like our extra time, but really going out of the way to make sure that we are prioritizing friendship in our lives, making time for friends.”
On Friends & Health – and Being a Good Friend
“A lot of research has shown that our friendships help us live longer. It’s actually more important to have connections than to not smoke, not be obese, the things that we look at as healthy behaviors. Having friends are equally, if not more, important from other people’s research, epidemiologically, that have looked at those factors. So making sure that you invest in friendships is really important. And I think we can get so busy going through life that we don’t slow down to take stock of our friendships and just see who’s there. And, not just do I have good friends, but am I being a good friend also? Because friendship is a reciprocal relationship. Friendship isn’t just a one time event. It’s not just that you make friends and Oh, I’m done. Instead, you constantly are making new friends and thinking through those factors that I was mentioning; who’s important, what am I getting from my friends? What am I missing? And not assuming that either our partner, our romantic partner, or one friend will meet all of our needs.”