Dealing with Feeling Can I Come to You Like This? Eli Harwood on Secure Attachment
Some kids look "easy" because they're safe and supported. Some kids look "easy" because they learned to scan the room, manage the adults, and keep their real feelings out of the way.
In this episode, Dr. Marc Brackett sits down with therapist and educator Eli Harwood (Attachment Nerd) to talk about what secure attachment actually looks like in real life, especially in the moments that make us uncomfortable. If you've ever wondered why "calm" can be misleading, why certain emotions feel like too much, or why parenting can bring your own childhood rushing back, this conversation will stay with you.
In this conversation:
- Why "easy" behavior can be a survival skill
- The difference between calming a child and silencing a child
- What "earned secure" means, and why it matters if you didn't grow up with steady adults
- Why fixing it fast can backfire when what someone needs is closeness
- A simple phrase that changes hard moments: "Reach, then receive."
- How to stay present with big feelings without minimizing, lecturing, or checking out
- What kids learn about emotions by watching what we do with ours
Quote to take with you:
"Take a sip of the feeling. Don't chug it down. The fix can wait. The relationship can't."
About the guest: Eli Harwood is a licensed therapist, author, educator, and the creator of Attachment Nerd. Her work helps people understand attachment patterns and build more secure relationships with their kids, partners, and themselves.
Connect with Eli Harwood:
Website: https://attachmentnerd.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/attachmentnerd
Eli's NEW book: How to Deal with Your ____ So Your Kids Don't Have To
https://www.attachmentnerd.com/books/how-to-deal-with-your-so-your-kids-dont-have-to?offer=pwyc
Connect with Marc Brackett:
Website: https://marcbrackett.com
Instagram: https://instagram.com/marc.brackett
X: https://x.com/drmarcbrackett
Facebook: https://facebook.com/drmarcbrackett
LinkedIn: https://linkedin.com/in/drmarcbrackett
Dr. Marc Brackett's books:
Explore Marc Brackett's work at the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence, where he serves as founding director, and learn more about RULER, an evidence-based, systemic approach to SEL developed at Yale that supports leaders, educators, students, and families in building emotional intelligence and creating healthier school climates.
A special thank you to the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence for supporting this webcast. Thanks also to Oji Life Lab for their generous support. To develop your skills in leadership, emotional intelligence, and more, visit https://ojilifelab.com or click the link in the description of this episode and use promo code DEALINGWITHFEELINGS to save 25%.