Something You Should Know

How to Find True Love & Why Some People Pursue Impossible Goals

27 snips
Feb 12, 2026
Mark Medley, journalist and author who profiles people chasing unlikely, long-term goals. Paul Eastwick, UC Davis psychology professor studying attraction and long-term relationships. They discuss what really predicts lasting attraction, why apps and first impressions mislead, how vulnerability and social networks build closeness, and why some people devote lives to goals they know may never be achieved.
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INSIGHT

First Impressions Don't Predict Long-Term Fit

  • First impressions (looks, charm) predict initial attraction but poorly predict long-term compatibility.
  • Paul Eastwick says relationships are built over time and many early cues lose predictive power.
ADVICE

Use Vulnerability To Build Early Closeness

  • Be slightly vulnerable on early dates by sharing meaningful topics like regrets or fears.
  • Paul Eastwick says that revealing discomforting details increases liking and builds closeness fast.
INSIGHT

Groups Produce Compatibility Apps Often Miss

  • Group-based, long-term interactions historically produced compatibility by letting people get to know each other.
  • Eastwick argues apps emphasize surface traits and weaken compatibility formation.
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