listener question: how can I be with my partner's rage?

Listener question: My partner is going through a very brutal process at work at the moment. and the way he deals with stress is to have short bursts of rage. Because of my history that frightens me. But I feel his pain as it was my own because he is the love of my life. I can see where crazy thinking and the self takes over, but I’m still entangled in this painful process. I see there is a lot of story around endings and abandonment and at the same time I see strength in my system emerging. I’m very well aware that trauma is not my identity, I feel deep love for my family who suffered so much in their time. But it’s echoes are still around. I suppose the question is again about bridges, where is the crossroads between suffering and seeing reality? I often feel I “miss the boat“.