MC67 The Dynamics of Group Conversations

Pilar and Tim are back having a conversation about conversations. Following on from #66 which covered 1:1 conversations, in this episode they dive into group discussions. Facilitating a group adds another layer of complexity - for example giving more time to one person means less time for everyone else. And people behave differently in group conversations. There are more people to be mindful of, more rapport to build, more status to be won and lost.

And for managers it is a challenge. There is lots going on within the group dynamic - and in our own minds. We have to be aware of our own habits and those of our people, and even reassess our idea of the many forms worthwhile contributions and engagement can look like in a group.

00:10 mins Through her career in facilitation and leading groups Pilar has learnt that some people need time or a few attempts to get their point across. These people are hard to manage in a group conversation because if you want them to contribute to the conversation you have to make enough space for them.

4:00 Pilar suggests talking with them separately before the group conversation. If you understand what they want to communicate then you can use that in the larger discussion. For example, you can gently bring them to their point or help them by paraphrasing their thoughts. Sometimes when people don't feel understood they keep trying different ways to get their point across. Which can take time!

5:45 Tim proposes bringing them later into the discussion, after some of their points have already been covered, so they don't need to say as much. This can be a win-win if you get them to buy into this plan. By letting others contribute early on, engagement will increase throughout the discussion. And so if your "long talkers" are able to wait, their later contribution will have a greater impact because everyone is more engaged in what they are saying.

7:45 As someone who has orchestrated a lot of large group discussions online, Pilar has seen the good and bad of breakout rooms. One benefit is conversations can happen in parallel. Splitting the group for part of the time can be a useful in-person tool too.

9:00 Tim confesses that he gets a thrill out of being the lead in a big group discussion. Breakout rooms mean a smaller audience! Pilar reassures him that it's ok to enjoy that spotlight. As leaders we need to meet some of our own needs as well as the needs of our team. And we can still get joy from aspects like setting direction, bringing people back together and summarising for the group.

11:45 In-person meetings have logistical challenges to breakout discussions. It can be hard enough to book one meeting space for the time you need, let alone if you want to include several breakout spaces as well.

13:00 We can overcome some of the logistics by looking beyond the idea that a discussion has to be a large group all in a meeting room together at the same time. Smaller groups can meet beforehand, information can be shared in different mediums or distributed at different times, parts of the discussions can even be asynchronous. This can give opportunity to those who need time to digest information or those who don't want to talk in front of a large group.

15:30 Leaders will sometimes need to focus on their own contribution to a discussion. At times like these it's super helpful to have built capacity for others in the team to be able to run the meeting.

16:00 We can also think about how our people's traits might be helpful. Opinionated people can help start a discussion or the person who thinks out loud can run through the agenda.

16:50 When a group discussion gets close to an outcome, Tim can get overexcited and lose his balance.

18:00 The great Lisette Sutherland from Collaboration Superpowers taught Tim that if people don't speak in the first 5 minutes of a meeting they are significantly less likely to speak for the entire rest of the meeting. He tried to resist the thrill of being the first person to say an idea. Instead he found a new pleasure of holding back to see if, after everyone had made their contribution, he still had a unique contribution to make.

20:30 Pilar shares a story of a time she got her desired result just by waiting and letting the other people speak. This is a great skill to build in individual and group situations.

What about you, dear listener? What do you find hard with group conversations? We'd love to hear from you! Get in touch through our Contact Form https://managementcafepodcast.com/contact/