More Happier: Do You Ever Have Post-Party Blues? Plus the Raymond Carver/Chandler Problem

Mar 7, 2026

They talk about the awkwardness and regret that can follow putting yourself out there, and how to be kinder to yourself after social missteps. They share nostalgic travel memories and the value of quirky local recommendations. They laugh over funny literary mix-ups, from confusing famous authors to muddling classic stories.

29:11

forum

Ask episode

web_stories

AI Snips

view_agenda

Chapters

menu_book

Books

auto_awesome

Transcript

info_circle

Episode notes

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Working At The Society Library Boosts Focus

Gretchen has been making a habit of working outside her home office at the New York Society Library and finds it boosts focus and creativity.
She syncs documents between devices, packs a portable monitor, and plans library visits on her calendar to make it stick.

volunteer_activism

ADVICE

Put External Habits On The Calendar

Put recurring external activities on your calendar to ensure you actually do them, especially when friction prevents a habit.
Gretchen schedules library sessions so the trip and syncing effort become non-negotiable parts of her day.

question_answer

ANECDOTE

Post-Party Blues From Talking Too Much

Gretchen felt post-party blues after talking too much at a dinner and regretted moments like mixing up names or saying the wrong thing.
She realized these awkward feelings are a normal cost of putting yourself out into the world and not a sign you must withdraw.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Weekend check-in and Nantucket plans

01:46 • 2min

chevron_right

Nantucket memories and guidebooks

03:32 • 37sec

chevron_right

City guidebooks and personal recommendations

04:09 • 2min

chevron_right

Nantucket artifacts and carrot slippers

05:56 • 3min

chevron_right

Working outside the office

08:28 • 3min

chevron_right

Neighborhood connections via local library

Post-party blues and social regrets

15:13 • 4min

chevron_right

Friends' reactions and reality checks

19:04 • 2min

chevron_right

Brace for buyer's remorse

20:42 • 2min

chevron_right

Designing your year toolkit

Funny mix-ups and literary confusions

25:41 • 47sec

chevron_right

Raymond Carver and Raymond Chandler mix-up

26:28 • 2min

chevron_right

Hunchback and Phantom confusion

28:06 • 2min

chevron_right

Shirley Hazard and Shirley Jackson tangle

30:17 • 3min

chevron_right

James Baldwin quotation

33:26 • 23sec

chevron_right

Episode wrap-up and final reflections

33:49 • 3min

chevron_right

#9028

• Mentioned in 6 episodes

• Mentioned in 9 episodes

The Hunchback of Notre Dame

• Mentioned in 7 episodes

The Phantom of the Opera

Gaston Leroux

The Phantom of the Opera, written by Gaston Leroux, is a classic tale of love, obsession, and tragedy set in the late 19th century at the Palais Garnier in Paris. The story revolves around Christine Daaé, a talented young singer, and her interactions with the enigmatic Phantom, a disfigured musical genius who becomes obsessed with her. The novel explores themes of love, passion, and the darker aspects of human nature.

#6868

• Mentioned in 7 episodes

Tropic of Cancer

Henry Miller

Published in 1934, 'Tropic of Cancer' is a novel that blends autobiography and fiction, detailing Henry Miller's experiences as a struggling writer in Paris. The book is characterized by its stream-of-consciousness style and explicit descriptions of sexual encounters, poverty, and the bohemian lifestyle. It was initially banned in the US and UK due to its content but later became a significant work in American literature, influencing the development of erotica and modern literary forms. The novel explores themes of human condition, loneliness, and the decay of civilization, reflecting Miller's unique and often provocative writing style.

The Transit of Venus

Shirley Hazzard

The Transit of Venus follows the lives of Caroline and Grace Bell, two orphaned Australian sisters who move to post-war England. The novel spans thirty years, from the 1950s to the 1980s, and explores themes of love, morality, and personal integrity. Caroline is pursued by a young astronomer, Ted Tice, while she prefers the unscrupulous playwright Paul Ivory. Meanwhile, Grace settles into a conventional marriage with Christian Thrale. The novel is praised for its exquisite prose and its intricate plotting, which combines elements of Greek tragedy, family saga, and desperate love story. It is considered one of the great English-language novels of the twentieth century.

#18689

• Mentioned in 3 episodes

What We Talk about When We Talk about Love

Raymond Carver

Raymond Carver's "What We Talk About When We Talk About Love" is a collection of short stories exploring themes of love, loss, and the complexities of human relationships. Carver's minimalist style, characterized by sparse prose and unflinching honesty, creates a powerful impact. The stories delve into the lives of ordinary people grappling with everyday struggles and emotional turmoil. The collection showcases Carver's mastery of capturing the nuances of human interaction and the unspoken tensions that often underlie relationships. His work is known for its emotional resonance and its ability to evoke a sense of empathy for his characters.

#7817

• Mentioned in 6 episodes

The Haunting of Hill House

Shirley Jackson

The Haunting of Hill House follows Dr. John Montague, an investigator of the supernatural, and his guests—Eleanor Vance, Theodora, and Luke Sanderson—as they stay at the notorious Hill House. The house, known for its dark history and inexplicable phenomena, begins to exert its influence on the group, particularly on Eleanor, who may be losing touch with reality or possessing a subconscious telekinetic ability. The novel explores themes of psychological horror, the blurring of reality and imagination, and the haunting nature of the house itself.

#7673

• Mentioned in 6 episodes

The Lottery

Shirley Jackson

Written immediately after World War II, 'The Lottery' is a cautionary tale that explores the dangers of blindly following tradition and the dark side of human nature. The story takes place in a small, unnamed village where the residents gather annually to conduct a lottery that results in the stoning of one of their own. The narrative highlights the mob mentality and the abandonment of reason as the townspeople participate in this brutal tradition, revealing the underlying themes of communal violence and individual vulnerability.

Going into town

Roz Chast

We discuss the fact that when we extend ourselves—when we put ourselves out into the world—we can expect sometimes to feel awkward, remorseful, or frustrated. We also talk about some funny mix-ups that passed unnoticed for years.

Reminder: as an exclusive offer for “Happier” listeners, you can get 2 weeks FREE plus a special discount to the Activations app at activations.com/happier. These guided audios are designed to help you feel motivated, confident, and in charge of your life.

Resources & links related to this episode:

Find all the tools you need to design your year

Get in touch: podcast@gretchenrubin.com

Visit Gretchen's website to learn more about Gretchen's best-selling books, products from The Happiness Project Collection, and the Happier app.

Find the transcript for this episode on the episode details page in the Apple Podcasts app.

See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Home Top podcasts Popular guests Top books