Today’s topic is weaponized incompetence. If you aren’t familiar with the term, stay tuned and learn more with us. I’m thrilled to be joined again by Dr. Lesley Cook, who is a psychologist and good friend. She lives in Virginia and works mostly with neurodivergent kids, adolescents, and adults. Join us for the conversation!
Show Highlights:
- An explanation of “weaponized incompetence” and what it means
- How weaponized incompetence applies to the division of household labor
- The key to analyzing weaponized incompetence: Why is it happening?
- Why this is a tricky topic, especially for those who are neurodivergent and feel challenged
- Why dignity should be preserved in these conversations with a partner
- Why it’s OK to set boundaries even if someone is unintentionally hurting you
- Ways to solve problems without shame or blame
- The difference in functional barriers and weaponized incompetence
- How to talk through solutions and support for a partner
- How “maternal gatekeeping” plays into the dynamic
- Why couples need to have conversations about care tasks, household chores, and childcare BEFORE they have kids
- Why there is a difference between weaponized incompetence and learned helplessness
- Dr. Lesley’s tips: “Approach your partner in good faith, open up the conversation, and ask for collaboration in finding something that works better for BOTH partners.”
- Why the question should be, “Is exploitation happening?”
- Why you can’t go on appearances regarding a division of labor
- How to begin the approach with a partner or child: “This isn’t working for me; how can we figure this out together?”
Resources:
Connect with Dr. Lesley: TikTok and Instagram
Connect with KC: TikTok and Instagram
Get KC’s book, How to Keep House While Drowning
Helpful resources mentioned in this episode:
How Not to Hate Your Husband After Kids by Jancee Dunn
Fair Play by Eve Rodsky
The Sensory Child Gets Organized by Carolyn Dalgliesh
Ready for Take-Off by Theresa E. Laurie Maitland and Patricia O. Quinn
A Radical Guide for Women with ADHD by Sari Solden, Michelle Frank, and Ellen Littman
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