Modern Wisdom

Why You’re Obsessed, Anxious, And Still Single - Mercedes Coffman - #1092

1010 snips
May 2, 2026
Guest
Mercedes Coffman
Mercedes Coffman, a therapist and relationship researcher, dives into why modern dating feels so exhausting. She explores avoidant culture, emotional availability, self-sabotage, limerence, and why chemistry can wreck good judgment. They also get into ghosting, “too busy” excuses, rom-com fantasy, trauma patterns, and why stability can feel strangely boring.
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Choose Capacity Over Mere Readiness

  • Distinguish emotional readiness from capacity: desire alone doesn't ensure someone can handle long-term relationship growth.
  • Prioritise partners who can endure conflict repair, consistency, and life stress without withdrawing.

Ghosting Fuels Relationship Self-Sabotage

  • Ghosting normalisation increases fear of rejection and drives preemptive self-sabotage to avoid future pain.
  • People withdraw from dating pools, preventing growth of emotional capacity and worsening loneliness.

Build Capacity By Sitting With Discomfort

  • Grow emotional capacity by sitting through uncomfortable conversations and stabilising your nervous system.
  • Use practices like meditation, disciplined exercise, and avoiding life overload to preserve capacity for connection.
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