His Royal Virus - March 27th 2020

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Recorded at our homes over Google Meet — pumped through the RØDECaster™ Pro — into your ears.

Comedians and experts ripping into the global pandemic — slowing the spread one pun at time.

This A Rational Fear brings together voice actor Rupert Degas, comedian Bec Melrose, international health student Dr. Jazmin Daniells, New York City broadcaster Brad Blanks and as a special treat comedian Kirsty Webeck comes by to delight us with 5min from her cancelled Melbourne Comedy Festival show.

(00:00) — Preamble, thank you mums.

(01:04) — Start.

(02:00) — Introductions.

(03:07) — SPONSOR: Robbie McGregor Reads Mark Latham’s Tweets.

(05:04) — Coping with Corona.

(08:40) — HRH Prince Charles interview.

(10:30) — Private School Principal Delivers Social Distancing Rules.

(12:00) — THEY INCREASED NEWSTART!

(17:22) — Health worker Dr. Jazmin Daniells.

(29:50) — Who is the COVID-19 Commission?

(32:14) — An Aussie in New York Brad Blanks.

(40:37) — Kirsty Webeck Stand Up.

(46:32) — Credits

(48:00) — Newsfighters

Stay at home — and listen to this.

Transcribed by https://otter.ai

Dan Ilic 0:00

All right before we start a big thank you to our Patreon subscribers. We grew by just a handful this week. It's about very powerful handful, Louis. Big thanks to more of my family as well. It's funny you should mention that it's not more of your family but it is close personal friends of ours. Big thanks to Liz Adams and my mother in law, Jan Holdsworth who became scaremongers. Louis's mom is also scaremonger. My partner's mom is a scare monger. Let's all go for the moms of this podcast. It's really great. Is anyone giving us money that isn't related to us? I don't know. I just feel like a lot of people allied can't afford to subscribe to the Patreon which got me thinking, Louis, if you can't afford three bucks a month, maybe you could ask your mum to subscribe to our Patreon instead, tell them that it's franking credits like franking credit insurance for the for the apocalypse, they might as well most old people will actually tap out. Hey Blake, I made this episode of irrational fear in isolation. On the land of the gadigal in the eora nation, let's start the show.

Unknown Speaker 1:04

irrational fear contains no two words like bricks can rub and

Unknown Speaker 1:10

gum and section 40 of our rational fear recommended listening by immature audience.

Dan Ilic 1:17

Tonight Donald Trump says he'd like to see churches in America full at Easter time, all part of his greater plan to have old buildings in America empty by Christmas time. And this week the Australian Parliament went on recess for five months because there's nothing to do until then. And the 30 minute restriction on hairdressing appointment has been lifted but I'm not gonna get ahead CUT TO MY lift the restriction on allowing barbers to spit in your mouth like the old days, wash your hands and stay at home. This is irrational fear

a rational fear Yes, this Is the restaurant favourites Daniel. Let's Let's meet Alfie mungus for tonight he's one of Britain's best exports that not many people know about. He's the big fish shy a clanging of voice acting. It's Rupa de gas. Is that a fair introduction via Rupert as a marvellous I bless you bless

Unknown Speaker 2:15

your heart.

Dan Ilic 2:17

Nick, She's fast become one of the stars of Australian comedy scene. She is as versatile as a merengue but as complicated as a Pavlova. It's big Melrose.

Unknown Speaker 2:26

What an intro. I love it. I've never had a bakery themed intro.

Dan Ilic 2:30

And he is a staple of the show and he can be relied on to delight. He's the week bakes with sugar on top. It's Louis Alba. Oh, thank you, Daniel. I actually used to consume a lot of weight because it's sugar on top that's eerily accurate. It's like very bland and white bread, but it's like a little something on top a little bit of excitement. In this week's show, we discussed the government's rules for social distancing the stimulus package, we chat to a health worker on the front lines in here from an OSI stack in the petri dish of New York City. Also Kirsty Welbeck is coming by two to five minutes I've heard Melbourne Comedy Festival show and use fighters. We've just got too much content this way here is a message from our sponsors

Unknown Speaker 3:10

from lazy industries and audible. Robbie McGregor reads Mark Latham's tweets from his early defamation period

Unknown Speaker 3:19

in an office somewhere inside the education Bureau in Beijing this morning. Hi, New South Wales is four years behind that students in maths put Mark Scott, he's teaching them any less than 40% is gender equality, more laughter, that confusion for tears Kobe, to the ramblings of a man

Unknown Speaker 3:41

just discovering the dark web

Unknown Speaker 3:43

great lies of the elites. Someone with a penis can be a woman, man can have babies renewable energy can keep the lights on Australia is central to solving climate change. But people smuggler traders, compassionate. The Middle East is worth fighting for. The IB se is independent

Unknown Speaker 4:12

to misinformation and conspiracy dressed up

Unknown Speaker 4:16

as philosophy, a guide to bat in Orlando, and now my two sons are without jobs. The lesson is when humans lose their mastery and control over the animal world, which is what happened in Wu Han wet market, our entire civilization can suffer. Humans must always put themselves first animals. Second,

Unknown Speaker 4:39

download Robbie McGregor reads Mark Latham's tweets if you want to give yourself an aneurism

Dan Ilic 4:48

can't wait to download that. That's the only way I would consume Mark Latham's tweets is via Robbie McGregor, although I'm disappointed he didn't make them sexier, would have liked to hear him do like the full offseason. Faruqi court case but like he was doing an SPS porn. Well coronavirus, a disease 19 is the most famous of all the corona family so far has ravaged up to 2423 Australians in yet has to do one single colon with a makeup brand very disappointing for fans of this disease. How are you all coping this week with with your covert lockdown spec? How are you coping?

Unknown Speaker 5:26

I'm I'm over it already. But I'm counting myself pretty lucky in the scheme of things. I'm just a bit sick of the lack of clear communication that we're getting. I think we've never it's never been more important for us to have clear, decisive, persuasive communication and it feels like every day we're in this extremely stressful real life amazing rates. We're just tuning into the news for the next clue. Nothing's clear.

Dan Ilic 5:52

It's totally It is very strange like they the hairdressing limit got lifted today. If you go get a haircut for longer than 30 minutes, but still The rules of being 1.5 metres away from every person still apply I don't know a hairdresser with arms long enough to actually do a proper job

Unknown Speaker 6:09

nor do I or anyone who makes scissors that long I don't know what they're gonna do about that but

Unknown Speaker 6:14

the the lack of women in the cabinet of the coalition was so on display when the first round of those the cuts on cuts came out and they were like we can only let people in around hairdressers for half an hour. You're like, I realised that you're nearly bald already. Scott, you probably haven't had a haircut in the decade but total one woman who has had a hiccup that has gone for half an hour find me anywhere

Unknown Speaker 6:41

even the chat those longer than half an hour all the bullshit chat you get.

Unknown Speaker 6:45

I'm one of those balding that just needs to get that short haircut and when it gets long and fluffy at the back of the neck. It's like oh no, come on. And I only need five minutes at the barbers but they're like closed. And what did they say today you don't want to Gladys say today You don't need to get get your hair cut, like Well, okay, I'll just grow a little fluffy. You know peach fuzz on the back of my neck for the next six weeks.

Dan Ilic 7:08

I think I think having fluffy fuzz in the back of your neck is a fair trade off from Absolutely.

Unknown Speaker 7:17

Yeah, probably health emergency. I reckon I can go with a page because

Unknown Speaker 7:24

there's all these reasons to around like the differences between self isolation, quarantine, social distancing, physical distancing, no one's really clear on what anything is. My favourite thing though, that I saw this week. Like, I'm really grateful. We've got the ABC at a time like this, but I saw an article where they were stepping through the evidence behind each of the theories of how the virus originated. And they've got this photo of a pangolin. With this caption, it says a pangolin but not this specific pangolin could have passed the virus to humans.

Dan Ilic 7:58

As someone who has been an executive producer at the IBC I can understand how that caption would have come about someone in legal would have gone? Well, we probably we probably should make sure that pangolin isn't defamed at some point.

Unknown Speaker 8:10

Although penguins are known for being quite litigious, so you can't be caught leave any chance of a defamation suit. Why would

Unknown Speaker 8:16

you say that Chris Kenney fucked up pangolins.

Dan Ilic 8:21

But you can say you can say it on this podcast and that's totally fine because I don't have any lawyers and I don't have any money. So I come for me. You've got my mom's Patreon. Got Your mom's 10 bucks a month. Thank you, Margo. Now, Ruben, you you're also also a little bit confused by all of these social distancing roles. And yeah,

Unknown Speaker 8:40

I'm very confused. Because I think a pangolin might have come into Balmoral confused

Dan Ilic 8:48

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Is that for its Charles but it's

Unknown Speaker 8:50

okay. It's totally stuck in stuck in my bed sweating. Camila's by my side. It's just one and a half metre distance isn't really any problem. And

Unknown Speaker 9:01

it's all fine. No, it's

Dan Ilic 9:04

no no Your Royal Highness Your Highness. You actually apparently you got the old covert bug from attending a bushfire benefit concert in London. He was fully Australian.

Unknown Speaker 9:20

came over they'd been on a ship from from from China. years. Now I don't know what happened. Yes, but I'm sweating and as Molly Meldrum killed me back in the 70s He's sweating like a pig.

Dan Ilic 9:36

And have you have you been amongst the the the other royalty Have you been with the Queen

Unknown Speaker 9:42

while you've been sweating? No ma'am he won't let me come anywhere near her unfortunately. But I do have my equity and my equity is got his and his his partner's got his and their child has got his but they've all recovered so I think it'd be fine.

Dan Ilic 9:56

Like at this point is like Queen Elizabeth is is a shaved head like blood needs to be tested in the same way that Keith Richards does, like

Unknown Speaker 10:05

she is immortal.

Unknown Speaker 10:07

Like if she survives, if Charles goes and and she's still alive, she's either knocking them off or she's a model. She's a vampire. There's any so many times so many times,

Dan Ilic 10:21

understandably route that you find this whole thing quite unclear. But you imagine what it would be like if a private school principal had to deliver this kind of information to his students. All right.

Unknown Speaker 10:37

So settle down.

Unknown Speaker 10:40

Right now before I begin the list of new measures announced by the Prime Minister this morning, those of you who are playing in the match this afternoon and only if you're an essential member of the team means you're close down onto the lower peg immediately after lunch which will be taken away only before you write your letter home with a sanitised pen. If you're not getting your hair cut for a maximum of 30 minutes but no yoga unless you've got a younger brother who's going out this weekend to a funeral with a maximum of 10 people, but not a wedding where only five people are allowed as the guest of another boy, in which case collector's note before lunch, put it in your letter after you've had your haircut. So no time for a wax, which is forbidden anyway, unless it's essential and make sure he moves your clothes down onto the lower paid for you now, sir, yes, why man,

Unknown Speaker 11:24

my younger brother is going at the table this weekend, sir, but I'm not having a haircut. So to me my clothes down or

Unknown Speaker 11:30

I do wish you listen Weimer. It's perfectly simple. If you're not getting your hair cut, you don't have to move your brother's clothes down to the lower pig. You simply collect his note before lunch after you've done your scripture prep. When you've written your letter home before rest, move your own clothes on to the lower peg. Greet the visitors keep a distance of 1.5 metres and report to Mr. viney that you've had your chick sign and then wash your hands for 20 seconds while singing happy birthday twice. Got it. Now where were we

Unknown Speaker 12:01

National Fair.

Dan Ilic 12:02

Well the coalition have gotten on the front foot and have done something akin to heresy for conservatives. They've doubled the amount of money available for new start making it an amount that's almost kind of livable. Now this is from a party whose mainly ideology is to undermine the public service at every step of the way. They defund health, they defund sighs I defund education, public media and welfare. They spent so long saying that they'll never ever increase new staff that they actually had to give new start a brand new name, and they've caught it jobseeker that way they can never look wrong at all. We never increase new stuff. We make something better we call it job seeker. Fuck off. But here's the thing. Western democracies around the world have kind of been figuring out other ways to do this. And in Denmark to do a lot more Denmark are paying up to 90% of the wages for workers kept on staff in New Zealand. They're paying $600 a week in Germany. They're providing government grants and loans to pay wages in Ireland 70 Wages up to up to 70 $750 a week they're being paid. In South Korea. 70% of wages are being paid, and in the UK up to 80% of wages being paid by the government, which is absolutely incredible. What do you think Australian the Australian Government should be doing to support workers? In this time?

Unknown Speaker 13:21

We've got to realise that in a lot of those situations, I think, certainly in the UK, many, many people cannot get access to that government funding, because that when you say wages, quote, unquote, they're only talking about a certain element of the workforce, you know, that over the last 20 3040 years, they've systematically destroyed public workers. It's all private enterprise now. And so they're talking about the public sector, and the public sector has been shrinking and shrinking and shrinking, and you've got more and more small businesses more and more self employed people. They can't access a red centre that so let's just be realistic, right? government's not handing money out with Nearly to everybody

Dan Ilic 14:00

what I've read it out is a lot rosier than what it actually is.

Unknown Speaker 14:03

Oh, absolutely, absolutely. It's I think it's I think it's just spin it's not actually true. It's going to the to the people who work in the public sector, not people who work in the private sector or who run small businesses or self employed and that certainly in the UK I don't know about other countries.

Unknown Speaker 14:18

I would definitely like to say the government doing more all from what I've read that looks like our response has been pretty peaceful comparatively, but and also just sending people out on the streets off to sign Kp distance don't go out, stay home, and then we've got queues around the block of people shoulder to shoulder queuing up for centerlink so that's what happens if they've dismantled the system over so many years and now it conquered

Dan Ilic 14:41

it is so it's so strange. I feel like liberal ideology is completely made the Liberal government inept at this point like they've like shot themselves in the foot to the point where they've like destroyed the thing that they need to kind of see this moment through. Yeah, the only person happy right now is Bill Shorten for losing that election.

Unknown Speaker 15:00

I came across this be

Unknown Speaker 15:02

thrilled. I mean, you'd hate to be a politician and a world leader right now, wouldn't you? I mean, you're damned if you do you're damned if you don't I mean, I don't feel sorry for them nor but by any means, because who would want to go into politics

Dan Ilic 15:14

but also Don't you think that like when like when you get an if you dream of like spoil your dream, when you get into sport is that you're in that position where you get the ball, the siren goes, you're one point down, it's your chance to be the guy that comes through and saves the day. This is that moment. Like, this is Rudy Giuliani before he went off the deep end, this is actually an opportunity to become a person if people look back on and they go Thanks to that person being a leader, which is literally their job. Yes, one and only job. They could we could look back in a year and be like, Oh my god, thanks to them. thousands of lives were saved. Either they don't care or they didn't want it all. They're not trying. It's a fucking disaster. What you're saying is, this is this is Scott Morrison's Andrew editing housing moment.

Unknown Speaker 16:05

He's knocked it on.

Unknown Speaker 16:10

He's getting

Unknown Speaker 16:10

sharpen testing in that guy knows how to play clutch.

Unknown Speaker 16:14

Notice the way you know, I'm Scott Morrison doesn't seem to show any real sympathy. He's just kind of getting angry and telling us all off, you know, stop it. Don't know, stop it. Now. It's an Australian, it's like, hang on, dude, we're all scared. Show us a bit of leadership, instead of, you know, now stop doing that. It's not Australian. It's like, come on mate.

Unknown Speaker 16:33

It's

Unknown Speaker 16:34

like unclear. I mean, as we were discussing earlier, like the, you know, the the fact that you can't even be clear on whether or not you can get a haircut and for how long? Like if you can't do that, like, oh, how do you expect to actually manage an economy, it's so baffling. And that, that same that message that he gave the other night in the press conference where he's like, you know, obviously, you can go out in groups and we don't want to specify how many because Australians should just use your common sense unlike might you Telling a group of people to use that common sense who is shoving each other in the toilet paper aisle

Unknown Speaker 17:08

arlie thing he's done really is give Richard Curtis a brilliant idea for a sequel, grimace sake whatever five people at a wedding 10 at a funeral

Dan Ilic 17:20

back Melrose

Unknown Speaker 17:23

style that guarantees to strip sentences off your thighs and a tick

Dan Ilic 17:30

tock video the 19 year old health workout who was spat on went viral yesterday. Here's some of that video now.

Unknown Speaker 17:36

Hi little coronavirus update from an Australian healthcare worker

Unknown Speaker 17:39

who works in a coronavirus

Unknown Speaker 17:40

team. Australians generally have this attitude towards coronavirus what they do not care whether they live or die or kill their grandparents or whatever, which is already super fun to deal with. But yesterday I had a patient spit on my face. We don't know whether he's confirmed or not. But he's been tested. We haven't got this one. Back at and he spat on my face because I'm going to get sick anyway. So let me know, let me in your country, you know like how is it you know, like health people?

Dan Ilic 18:11

Well that's some pretty fucked up stuff. People are on the edge more than anyone else would be health workers who are on the frontlines of this disaster. Joining us now is Dr. jazzy Daniels who is not only a Patreon subscriber of irrational fear, but is on the frontlines of in regional Australia waiting to deal with this disease. Jasmine, thanks for joining us on rational fear.

Unknown Speaker 18:32

That's right. Thanks for having me. Now,

Dan Ilic 18:34

what was your what's your experience like waiting for Call of Duty hit Tamworth where you are?

Unknown Speaker 18:38

So that's like a pretty interesting question. And I started out this year not working in health care and I'd gone back to university full time living in Sydney. So I've had a bit of a contrasting experience where I was with the general public for the beginning of coronavirus and carpet 19. And I was dismissive at first and I wasn't sure about social distancing, I wasn't sure about was coming out of China. It was a couple of weeks ago that it kind of hit home to me like how important this is, and what it will mean for health care. And I returned to Tamworth to work around of casual shifts there. And I've just finished those. And I've really started to see and understand what this is going to mean for Australian healthcare. I went on being in the hospital, and it feels as if that there is a tidal wave, and we can see it, we're staring out at sea and we can see it coming. But we don't know when it's going to hit an all we can do is try to prepare. And that's what's happening at the moment.

Dan Ilic 19:42

A lot of commentators are saying that, you know, we're we're two weeks out from something very severe in this country. Yeah. How are you going about to prepare for something? Yeah,

Unknown Speaker 19:51

so a lot of that is coming from senior staff in the hospital. And in the emergency department where I was working in Tamworth, the senior staff had been spending extra time planning and, you know, preparing in terms of what they're going to do for the patients that come in who were incredibly unwell, but also like, where to manage them and how to protect the rest of the patient population that is still going to be coming in. And that's one of the problems with this is that yes, we're going to have incredibly unwell patients coming in with Cova 19. But we're also going to have patients having heart attacks, having strokes, and motor vehicle accidents for people who are still driving around the country. And all of those things like add in Tamworth as farmers who are still going to be going about their daily work and they have a higher rate of workplace accident accidents as it is. So those people still kind of be coming in and we don't want to expose them to the coronavirus and so they're preparing special rooms and then how to get people into these rooms. they've reduced their elective theatre lists. So I'm operating theatre lists so patients that are coming in for procedures that can be delayed will be delayed and you Setting up different quarantine, and preparing how to intubate patients while protecting themselves. A lot of the senior doctors are older and immediately at higher risk, so they're really putting themselves on the line to take care of these patients or we're dissipating to take care of these patients while I was working there. We had some patients coming in and testing positive one who has gone to local media. So it's a very public knowledge that they're in there at the moment. We haven't had anyone incredibly unwell, but they're preparing for running through simulations of what that would look

Dan Ilic 21:37

like, how are they preparing you? like are they in terms of like equipment or protective? Yeah, like, what are they sort of telling you on how you can actually protect yourself? Because once we start, obviously there's so many issues as losing the ICU beds, but then there's also like losing, you know, health workers.

Unknown Speaker 21:56

There's a really high risk of health workers contracting Kevin And when they have that they can't work, obviously, because, you know, we're still looking after our other patients. In terms of preparing the junior medical workforce, I can talk mostly about what's happening in the hunter New England district, where I've been working for the last couple of years. And they're looking at, you know, keeping us in a hole keeping the doctors working there and their current positions rather than rotating them around. And there's other really important things about you know, having the correct personal protective equipment on and then how to get that on and off, which sounds a bit silly, but in that process of we call it donning and doffing is where you're at high risk of exposure. But with that, like when I add again, one of those things that I hadn't thought about until I actually saw it, I went when I worked in Tamworth emergency department, their zip tying down their hand sanitizer because people have been stealing it. You know, they're like, there's already issues that you we might run out of PVA and it hasn't hit yet. We are. I do agree that we're probably A couple of weeks away from saying perhaps what's happened in Italy. And so yeah, it's a bit frightening but there's there is support out there. But it's going to be a very difficult time for medical workforce around Australia.

Unknown Speaker 23:14

Jazz. Can I ask you if there's been any evidence yet that anyone who's contracted kovat 19 and then recovered if they then have built immunity and whether they could get it again?

Unknown Speaker 23:26

I've been asked this question a lot recently. I don't have I've heard that someone has reconstructed it but I've not like I've not validated that myself. So I'm not sure exactly about whether or not you have it and then have lifelong immunity. Or if yes, I can't answer that one. Sorry.

Dan Ilic 23:42

I think the only way you can get immunities to tribal council. I think we need to

Unknown Speaker 23:49

protect that idol.

Dan Ilic 23:52

Yeah, how are you feeling Jess? Like how are you feeling with this? looming kind of in your workplace very soon.

Unknown Speaker 23:58

Yeah, sir. I have a baseline level of anxiety that I've never really experienced before.

Dan Ilic 24:05

Is everyone nothing? Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 24:08

Yeah. So that's, that's real. And so I'm I. So this year, I did a bit of background about myself, I'd actually stopped working full time to undertake a Master's of international public health. And I'd moved my life to C, D, and I was undertaking my full time face to face classes, which lasted three weeks before they were pulled online. And at which point I decided it was best to return to the medical workforce. So I've withdrawn from my studies, and I'm now looking at different work options. And so, so in terms of how I'm feeling about it, yes, it's actually really scary. And I think we can only be as prepared as we can be, but hopeful in the sense that we can still make a difference and we talked about flattening the curve and it's not too late to do that. It's not too late to start social distancing to work from home. And I know that this is going to have huge economic impacts on people. And it already is, but hopefully I will. We spoke about this earlier that hopefully the government can support those who aren't able to work and they'll have enough to live and then we'll rebuild. So from there, but you have been exploring where I can be of the most use

Dan Ilic 25:24

now with your masters was an international help. Did you say?

Unknown Speaker 25:26

Yeah, international public health, which is extremely relevant at this point in time.

Dan Ilic 25:36

I just wanted to get a credit for Kovac 19. Do you get a credit like 20 you know,

Unknown Speaker 25:40

yeah, just like yeah, just everyone gets a high distinction. Well done.

Unknown Speaker 25:44

Like in terms of your like, personal situation. Have you had Have you stopped? had to think about what you're gonna do? Like, do you live with people? Are you

Unknown Speaker 25:53

Yeah, no.

Dan Ilic 25:55

You do to work as

Unknown Speaker 25:56

I moved to Sydney and I settled in a beautiful house and had to Fantastic housemates Hello, Lauren and Maura virus since left, but I did think I didn't think I would be able to work with them and be working with patients and in healthcare, I thought like the risk would be quite high. I have my grandparents so I had to kind of come to terms with the fact that I might not see them this year, because I don't want them to contract the illness that they're the ones who are really high risk. I'm if you know, like a one in one in eight chance of dying, which is really hot. And so yeah, absolutely. I've definitely thought about that I've actually moving from a non clinic from a clinical role to work in public health. So and within that role, I'm not allowed to see patients to the public health role involves tracking and tracing cases, and then trying to prevent those cases from spreading. So do do contact tracing And ensure that anyone who's been in contact with a confirmed case will then self isolate. And then also discussing whether or not the patients who do test positive if they need to be in hospital if they can isolate in the community. And within that role. I'm yeah, it because of the risk for healthcare workers is so high. I've been in, you know, given the, the instruction to not undertake any clinical work, so that I can continue to be within the public health team without contracting the virus because otherwise it kind of at this stone, then they're needing to work together. And if one person gets kovan, it kind of stops that operation.

Dan Ilic 27:41

Wow. It sounds so hard. That sounds so complex and complicated. Can we just give all the people with Cova 19. Like a funny hat or something?

Unknown Speaker 27:51

I yeah, it's a great idea. Maybe we can ask her rhinos to sponsor them.

Unknown Speaker 27:56

Carry a beer. Yeah, carry beer. I think that's the that's the tricky part, isn't it? Because some people have very different symptoms. And that's why we read like, this is why the social distancing is so important. And it's not like it's looking out for others as well as yourself. But you might be asymptomatic. Like you may have mild symptoms you might have like, there's been cases where someone had diarrhoea and that was their symptom. So it's that's why we just don't know who's carrying it. And that's that's the issue. I why social distancing is so important.

Dan Ilic 28:32

I've assumed it I make puns. I think I've got it.

Unknown Speaker 28:37

Thank you so much.

Unknown Speaker 28:41

Yeah, it's socially isolating myself from Louis.

Dan Ilic 28:45

Because we don't need to be doing this over Skype. I just demanded it. But I want to be in the same room dance. I talked to Jasmine, thank you so much for joining us on a rational fee. Do you mind if we check in with you in a couple of months to see how

Unknown Speaker 28:56

Yeah, please do please do. I'll be in close contact. Well not physically close contact. But with my colleagues working, they continue to be on the front line and they're doing an amazing job to support us. Oh, but I'll be working, I guess behind the scenes. So check in contact, if everyone listening if you're thinking about going out, reconsider it. You know, you don't have to stay at home if you can. And it's not just for you. And it's not just for the patients who might contract Cova 19. But it's for everyone. And it's Yeah, it takes a bit of a shift in your thinking, but it's possible.

Dan Ilic 29:29

Thanks, Jasmine. Have you thought about being Prime Minister?

Unknown Speaker 29:32

Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 29:36

hair cut length.

Unknown Speaker 29:39

I haven't cut my hair in six months. So I'm just this is I'm just gonna grow out. I've accepted that's it. my brows are growing out. My hair is growing up to new me.

Unknown Speaker 29:48

A rational fear

Unknown Speaker 29:49

behavioural experts

Unknown Speaker 29:49

are stunned parents and police want answers and three

Dan Ilic 29:53

teenage girls might have ruined their reputations forever in the tradition of fucking aftering across the street. parliament is headed into a five month long recess and won't be back to pass laws until August 11. Five months and in place of the Australian Government, they've created a Corona virus disease commission, consisting of executives from mining, energy transport, finance, the only remotely medical person has to be the head on the commission is David third, who is the csra chair. What is going on here where all the medical experts while the government is on holiday, so I hadn't heard that. That's is it been as like soft revolution? Yeah. What do you mean it's a soft revolution? We are completely run and owned by mining and fossil fuel entities. What are you talking? I was used to it happening from the shadows. I'm not used to them being out in front.

Unknown Speaker 30:47

There's no one else out there other than that, so who else is there apart from that bunch of people?

Dan Ilic 30:53

I like it when a crisis happens in in movies they call the Avengers when a crisis happens in Australia, they assemble people to build open capital. minds.

Unknown Speaker 31:00

Yeah, okay Gina Rinehart here and you know, sort of help out, you know, grab an X, darling. Yeah.

Unknown Speaker 31:06

I don't see why government can't continue online like we're doing here. I mean, if you look at photographs and video footage of the chamber in camera, they're on their bloody phones anyway. They're not listening to each other. They're all on Facebook and Twitter. They're not actually paying attention. Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker, Mr. Speaker can tell you on a whim to take his turn his fucking phone off. They're all sitting there like, like people in restaurants like couples on their phones while they're eating. Why can't talk to each other in restaurant. It's the same with bloody parliament. They're all sitting on their phones. So be no difference. Stay at home, still around the country, as ineptly as you do anyway. Just on your fucking phones easy.

Unknown Speaker 31:42

I couldn't agree more. I reckon if we have to put up with shitty zoom meetings because of their NBN failure then they should have to do

Dan Ilic 31:49

coming up very soon. Kirsty way back we'll be here to do a stand up set from her cancel the Melbourne Comedy Festival show. But first, if you think it's a bit of a show Mazel in Australia, in the United States, it is Way, way worse where a fractured medical system and an insufferable celebrity industrial complex is bringing harm upon everybody. I caught up with my friend Brad blanks a little earlier on today to see just how he's faring in New York City a rational fear Well, it's official one place that has it worse than any other country in the world right now is the USA we 50,000 Corona virus cases. So I thought what a good opportunity to catch up with my old mate Brad blanks who lives most of the time in New York City, but has found a little bald hole on Long Island to stay and see out the crisis get bread. Well, Dan, yes, it's a celebration in the United States as an Aussie here and have jumped on the American fanfare and the fact that they always love to be number one is celebrating that they have hit number one on the corona charts I speak. I think I speak for all Americans when I say USA, USA, USA. You've done it. I've got myself In New York City, I'm out and the end of Long Island. And I'm away from the epicentre of the madness that is going on in there. It's a it's a ghost town I was in there. One week ago was a ghost town, man. And now the sadness is that the people are getting double infected every day. Where have you been speaking to people who are still in Manhattan and still in Brooklyn? And what is it like what's the feeling? Yeah, as I said, I was in there we go. Ghost Town. Even though I did walk through Times Square and the one person out in Time Square was the naked cowboy. So the naked cowboy, he's still at work. Why aren't you that's what everyone's asking. Now, let's speak about your work. You're a you know, a third wheel on a radio show. How is that going? Are you still being able to broadcast? Yeah, I had. Last week was the scheduled vacation of our show as this all started kicking off. really convenient. You've got Shannon the legendary DJ, Yeah either I work for like he's a veteran of America Hall of Fame radio. Yeah. They love that term Hall of Fame radio legend. And he went down to Florida and where he lives and I said, Scott, you not, might not make it back. So I did a few callings to the guy. Let's be clear here Hall of Fame is a pseudonym for a very old person with probably dodgy lungs who could probably contract correct. And he was adamant he was going to be back on the radio back in New York City Monday morning, he got the official order to stay down in Florida, Florida. And calling from there now that opens up a whole, you know, is radio people all around the world are trying to figure out how to use these. Well, what are they called complex boxes or tie lines Dan or ISDN. I mean, I'm not an engineering radio pilot, pilot pilots, that sort of stuff. But you would know what I mean. And he had to get that sort of connected to his system and he was up and running on Monday. But what that does is we have a board He's usually as you know, again, Dan is a radio guy is a 22 year old underpaid guy. You know, given the title of producer but they, you know, they've got probably the hardest job in radio, they're gonna run the board deal with madmen, and he's sitting there trying to control the board. And the Scott mentioned calling but what that means is I can't call in Oh, I'm out of a job without technically being out of a job. He's still getting paid. That's the important right? Yes, that's right. Yeah, the paltry sum of being a radio third wheel. But the big news of my job is we think that bought up kid that's 22 years of age he drives like an hour and a half every day into work and out of work. You know, everyone wants to be on radio. It has just come down with the big Corona. Kids.

Shannon, Shannon gonna have to paddle off himself in Florida, doing it out of the study or somewhere. I have a feeling CBS fm one of the biggest stations in America. I think this the programme director will be panelling tomorrow that's the rumour on the street, which is crazy and sorry I've got I had a few bits plan and you know things to send in but those those things are sort of, you know, you'll have the yo days off your gear is primarily doing two things, talking to people on the street and talking to celebrities or red carpets. What are you doing to gain content? Brad, you the source of content has been cut off by coronavirus that really kind of fell I used my children and we kicked off home schooling Yeah. And that's kicked off in Australia and it was a big deal. Yeah, they gave the teachers one week to plan the homeschooling, which was last week. And then Monday was the official launch of the new york Board of Education, Department of Education, homeschooling, and it involved, many apps and many logins. I have three Children from the age of 10 to six and it was login hell and I was savvy enough to figure out how to talk to you now so I can sell you enough to figure out how to log in and that but I swear I had about 37 different logins my wife and I so we've used a lot of that banter for my initial radio but now that by radio jobs probably dried up in the in the in the last 24 hours. Yeah, and it gets back to the whole fact that I don't have anyone to talk to on the street and celebrities now obviously everyone's doing Skype or whatever, but am I able to get yo yo Ricky jerkface over Skype Well, let's figure that out. He must follow you on Twitter by now you and him have such a great rapport surely you can hook that up? Well, maybe Yeah, but celebs want at the end of the day, they've got to plug something not necessarily Ricky bit of a slip So look, I'd like a sort of recessed tight the game of trying to have a laugh with celebrities, but you know We'll see how that goes over the next day. But thank you for underlining the fact. I am absolutely stuffed when it comes. You know, you're someone who moved to America 15 years ago, 20 years ago when I yeah, when I moved to America 20 years ago because America is this like shining light on the hill this beacon of opportunity. And for you your career there has been absolutely astounding, incredible. And, and now, this this particular pandemic, has really shown what America is in that it is it doesn't have the ability to look after its most vulnerable people. Is that does it stress you out living there now? It

Unknown Speaker 38:44

doesn't stress me out because again, I you know how we've all been. We're all in this bubble. So I'm sitting here, I every day I wake up, my family's good. We're good. If I got to get groceries, I'm not gonna be have distance you know, six year dishes. do stupid things. I try to hold my breath and hopefully that works. But then obviously you go into the news and you read this and you understand the the mammoth, you know, disaster that this is, and you are Yes. And you are sad. And when you see nursing homes, you know your mom and dad are moving into elderly care or care facility I should say. And you see nursing homes in New Jersey getting evacuated when three have died of Corona and 27 have Corona. And these are all elderly people being helped by nurses. Yeah, it's worrying. It's distressing. And the big thing is going to be out of New York City or new and as as we kick this off in our jest, that New York is gone to you. America is now number one. And New York City is the hottest spot. The really thing that will make people's heads snap is when something like the Javits centre where New York Comic Con is every year and the moment To show in the boat show and one of this, this amazing Convention Centre on the west side of New York City. It is at the moment getting prepped to be a hospital and when that's when that's filled with beds with sick people in there and ventilators in there that that that again will make people yeah address this or be even more shocked of how real this is because I know there's a lot of non believers still, you know, which is which probably scares me just as much as America not helping the people that that really need it. All right.

Dan Ilic 40:37

God joining us now to share some of her cancelled Melbourne Comedy Festival show is comedian Kirsty Welbeck. She's got a Patreon page and I love the first line of the about section. My name is Kirsty Welbeck, but everyone calls me Christie, please welcome Cassie back.

Unknown Speaker 40:56

Hello, hello. Thank you so much for having me here. I was I was recently talking to a journalist when my tour still existed. And often when we talk to journalists, they ask us similar questions each time. So we usually have a sort of ID locked and loaded of what our answers might be. But on this occasion, she asked me a question that I hadn't been asked before she said to me, when did you first realise that you were funny? And no one had ever asked me that before which in hindsight, it's probably quite hurtful. I didn't really think on my face. And the first thing that popped into my brain was being six years old, in grade one, and it being wet weather at school, and just the entire student population is running wild in the gym. And I remember our principal getting up on stage and just trying to turn it all around and saying, does anyone have a joke that they would like to share with the rest of the school? And I was like, Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Six years of age full of bravado, I was like, Yes, I need to get this out into the public. And the reason that I was so confident about having a joke was it I'd heard this cracker on the radio that morning and I had not understood it. All I knew was that fitzy Stacy and Falco

Unknown Speaker 42:28

like I'm gonna tell the school this great guy. I got up on stage. And I said, How do you make a pool table? laughs you stick your hands down its pockets and tickle its balls. Oh, I see what it means but something to kind of play and that was sister Jude understood the joke. Curious. Me across that stage like the flying man. She was like, get out of here. Get off The gate down, she's screaming at me, she should be down the stairs on the other side of the stage. And what I'm trying to say is like, follow your dreams, right? Because

Unknown Speaker 43:18

I was booed off the stage by

Unknown Speaker 43:30

periods and come back later. And so I'm a 24 year hiatus, and I went out and I came back and nowadays I get to travel around doing stand up. Not now but

Unknown Speaker 43:47

I got to

Unknown Speaker 43:50

go to some pretty cool places like I've been to Brad places all over Australia. Also Cambra. I'm pretty lucky in that regard. Last year, I got to go on a call tour. And I was up in Port hedland. I don't know if anyone's heard of that place, but it's at the top of why there's nothing there. It should just be called port that. We rolled into town, there were five comedians, and we rode into town on this tour one day, and it was super hot. We're all melting. But one of our mates he's from London, and he was particularly in a bad way. And as we got to the motel, he pointed at the beach across the road, and he said, I'm going to go for a swim in that beach. And I said, No, you're not my thing. I'm boiling. And I was like, No, mate, you're in Australia. Don't you don't get into a body of water willy nilly in this country without doing some research. I was like, I'll ask a local if it's safe. And so I went over to the receptionist. And I said to her, there equally, perhaps two specifically, I said, Are there any crocodiles in that beach? She said

Unknown Speaker 45:18

she said there's no crocodiles in there. I said she did not say that.

Unknown Speaker 45:23

What she said is that she has no idea that she wants to be involved in this conversation. And then also that's pretty mean. I don't know the woman maybe this is how she speaks, right? Oh testa

Unknown Speaker 45:37

Do you think tomorrow we could have a late check out and she said no.

Unknown Speaker 45:48

This is actually quite a bleak story. Um, cuz I mean, he was. He was a lovely guy and the great comedian and we're gonna miss him terribly.

Unknown Speaker 46:03

Judy got it wrong.

Unknown Speaker 46:06

I'm just kidding. It was. It was a shock

Unknown Speaker 46:14

on me, but it worked out really well for me, because Judy had inspired me so the next day when I was checking out she said to me Do I was sending money did you have anything from the minibar and

Dan Ilic 46:34

Kirsty will be joining us at a rational fear sometime soon as a proper guest Thank you so much, Kirsty That was great. That's it for irrational fear. Big thanks to Matt Slade and Dylan vane Brad blanks Dr. Jasmine Daniels Kirsty we're back and our fear monger says night refit day gas back Melrose and Louis Alba. Have any of you got things to plug anything? Anyone anything on a plug?

Unknown Speaker 46:53

No, I'm sitting idle in my living room until further notice. So

Unknown Speaker 46:58

my comedy careers can Thought I want to plug Easter Sunday the churches are gonna be

Unknown Speaker 47:06

it's gonna be a great day everybody's gonna be close together singing hemming praying, sneezing, coughing, it'll be true.

Unknown Speaker 47:16

Patreon and cameo in the moment

Dan Ilic 47:19

going off you were saying before you're doing like tonnes of cameos people love you

Unknown Speaker 47:23

loving making videos.

Unknown Speaker 47:27

I'm just gonna be doing that anyway.

Dan Ilic 47:30

Jasmine still with us. Do you have anything to plug Jasmine?

Unknown Speaker 47:32

Some nice quality time alone

Unknown Speaker 47:37

driving because he's Patreon and to irrational.

Unknown Speaker 47:41

Good idea. And Louis, what do you got to plug? I'm just sending PayPal photos of my faithful cash.

Dan Ilic 47:48

Coming up next is news fighters. Until then there's always something to be scared. Oh, good night.

Unknown Speaker 48:03

This is News spiders.

Unknown Speaker 48:06

We find the news so you don't have to. Okay onto the government's big coronavirus economic stimulus package this week and Prime Minister Scott Morrison made sure the first thing he had ready to roll out was a three word slogan to build a bridge to the other side to get them on this bridge there is a bridge over this to get on this bridge and effectively build a bridge yeah build a bridge Scott Morrison's messaging aimed at Nani's teenagers. Oh my god, Australia, just build a bridge and get over it. When you just get over the coronavirus. just build a bridge. You're ready. Oh my god. Of course, one of the biggest elements of the second round of stimulus this week was this for at least six months, the job seeker allowance will double to 1100 dollars a fortnight.

Unknown Speaker 48:44

The job seeker allowance formerly known as news Dodd is being doubled.

Unknown Speaker 48:49

Yes, Scott Morrison doubled New Start and I'll tell you who would absolutely hate seeing Scott Morrison W star and that Scott Morrison from last year the Prime Minister Scott Morrison has emphatically rolled out increasing the rate of new start. What do you think the quiet Australians think about an increase in use that

Unknown Speaker 49:08

I believe the best form welfares job. And I believe that our welfare system should work as much for taxpayers as it does for those who benefit from it. I will not engage in the unfunded empathy of the Labour Party, Mr. Speaker, boy, Scott Morrison show hide Scott Marsan right now. Meanwhile, on the homefront, I mean that literally stay at home front. Scott Morrison has received a lot of flack for his confusing mixed messaging on Tuesday night he said this stay at home unless it's absolutely necessary that you go out but then in the exact same press conference, he said this but it is important for people to go to the shop, it is important to go to the shopping centre, it is important that they get access to these normal services. It's important for them because I needed it's also important for our economy, that it continues to operate and function as much as possible. Okay, wait, what state harm but Kp businesses open? Why? Well, wait, I know see what we're doing is keeping as many businesses as we possibly can open. Okay, why are you keeping non essential businesses open? If you want us all to stay at home, Scott Morrison was challenged about this by journalists on Wednesday and said this Well, you're suggesting I should close down businesses where there's no medical advice that they should. I don't understand why we would cause that harm to a business and all their workers and their livelihoods. For the sake of some sort of message convenience, but you just shut down every gym, pop bar club house inspection and restaurant in the country. What's left? Where are we meant to go? Now? People can still go to Car yards. Yeah, come on, kids. Let's do what the Prime Minister says and go hang out down at the car yard. Dad. We hung out at the car yard yesterday. Shut up, son. If the Prime Minister says we can go hang out at the car yard. We're gonna go hang out at the car yard.

Unknown Speaker 50:53

Okay, that's news fighters on irrational fear. Thanks again for having us, Dan. He had a full episode of news fighters subscribe to news fighters on Your podcasting app or go to news fighters.com remember what she hands remain indoors and bye for now.

Unknown Speaker 51:07

This is News fighters where we find the news. So you don't have to