Dear Anxious Attachment, Do You Really Love Them Or Do You Just Want to Be Chosen?

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Do you actually love them…
or do you just want to be chosen?

If you feel intense emotional highs and lows around someone, even when the relationship isn’t healthy; it may not be love. It may be your Attachment Style seeking validation and relief from deeper unmet needs.

Understanding this difference can completely change how you show up in relationships.

Episode Summary
In this episode, Thais Gibson breaks down the difference between true connection and the need for validation, especially for those with an Anxious Attachment Style.

You’ll learn why the intensity you feel toward certain people is not random, how intermittent reinforcement creates emotional addiction, and why chasing someone is often tied to unmet childhood needs.

Thais also shares practical steps to help you identify your needs, choose yourself, and build a stronger sense of identity, so you can move from chasing validation to creating real, secure connection.

Key Takeaways
✔️ Intense attraction can be driven by unmet needs, not true compatibility
✔️ Anxious Attachment may seek validation through being chosen
✔️ Intermittent reinforcement increases emotional dependency
✔️ Chasing often reflects unresolved core wounds
✔️ Self-validation reduces the need to seek approval externally
✔️ Knowing yourself is key to setting boundaries and standards
✔️ Choosing yourself creates space for healthier relationships

Timestamps
00:00 – Do You Really Love Them Or Do You Just Want to Be Chosen?
01:36 – The Intensity You Feel Towards Them is Not Random
03:21 – Step 1: Ask Yourself These Questions
04:49 – Step 2: Intermittent Reinforcement
06:08 – Codependency Course Promo
06:30 – Step 3: Choosing Yourself and Learning Who You Are
08:53 – What Does Healing Look Like?

Meet the Host
Thais Gibson is the founder of The Personal Development School and a world leader in attachment theory. With a Ph.D. and over a dozen certifications, she’s helped more than 70,000 people reprogram their subconscious and build thriving relationships.

Helpful Resources:
🧠 Take the Free Attachment Style Quiz
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📚 Read the Learning Love Book
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📝 Read the PDS Blog
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