Anger triggers: listener question

To make long story short I purchased something online and had to be assembled.  The instructions were confusing and they didn't answer the phone and my husband who was trying to build it got very angry. He had other things going on this week and I think this was his boiling point.

All my life I have had a trigger about anger and both my husbands have had anger issues.  In the past I would numb out and do anything to not have the anger affect me, get defensive, angry back, and afterward do anything to distract myself from sitting with the bad feelings.  This time I stayed calm and told him I would send it back but after I felt gut punched and it took awhile to get peace back.  I realized after listening to your video I was doing anything to escape the feelings even diving into 3P.

It wasn't the situation with the assembly, I knew it might cost money if seller refused to take back, but I was more upset and fearful of my husbands anger and just like in your video #2 where you say it happens over and over again, that has been the pattern all my life and I am 65!

I found out about 3P year and half ago in a senior course at local university and now a few of us from that course started a weekly discussion group a few months ago and that has really changed my life. 

So far what it sounds like you are saying is to sit with the emotional pain and feelings and explore what they mean.  In the past if I try to sit with feelings or journal them the thoughts about the situation send me down the rabbit hole and instead of seeing wisdom it gets worse.

So I am not understanding how you can sit in pain and be comfortable with that?