The Kink Consultant What Your Kinks Say About You (According to Psychology) with Aubrey Aust
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Oct 23, 2025 In this insightful conversation, Aubrey Aust, a graduate student at NYU and researcher in relational psychology, explores the fascinating intersection of BDSM, desire, and self-discovery. They discuss how kink functions as a 'relational laboratory' to build trust and safety. Aubrey dives into Freud's theories on fantasy and how childhood dynamics with parents influence adult desires. They also examine honesty’s role in intimacy, the therapeutic potential of kink, and the importance of somatic awareness in understanding consent.
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Practice Radical Honesty About Desire
- Be radically honest about your sexual desires to avoid shame blocking intimacy.
- Amanda insists honesty is non-negotiable so your core self can be seen and met.
Selfhood Is Built In Relation
- The self is constructed relationally: others' responses help integrate or fragment our identity.
- Aubrey links rejection of sexual fantasies to harms in selfhood and integration.
Translate Kinks Into Core Feelings
- When a partner is disgusted or shut down by a kink, map the underlying feeling they want instead of the behavior.
- Amanda recommends translating devices (like chastity) into feelings like safety, attention, or freedom.