Ways We Sabotage Connection with our Adult Children

Dec 12, 2025

Dr. Francine Toder, a clinical psychologist and author of 'Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0', explores the challenges of connecting with adult children. She discusses how generational shifts have changed parenting roles, emphasizing the need for empathy and adult-to-adult communication. Dr. Toder highlights the importance of recognizing body signals during conversations and offers insights on managing financial support with clear expectations. This insightful dialogue encourages parents to foster egalitarian relationships while rediscovering their own identities.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Transcript

Episode notes

INSIGHT

Body Signals Reveal Emotional Triggers

Physical tension in parents signals emotions like defensiveness or readiness to argue, not just worry.
Francine Toder calls this somatization and warns it's a cue to pause before engaging.

ADVICE

Lead With Empathy, Not Fixing

When your adult child shares pain, listen and offer empathy rather than fixing the problem.
Avoid 'yes-but' responses or immediate attempts to solve their issues.

INSIGHT

Generational Shift In Parental Involvement

Generational parenting norms shifted from 'let kids roam' to over-involvement that can hinder adult development.
Longer education and economic pressures lengthen the transition to adulthood today.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Ready to upgrade your relationship with your grown kids without losing yourself in the process?

We sit down with clinical psychologist and author Dr. Francine Toder author of the amazing book: "Your Kids are Grown: Parenting 2.O."

We unpack Parenting 2.0—the shift from managing to relating, from control to connection. If you’ve felt that knot in your stomach after a call, questioned whether your help is actually helpful, or wondered how to be close without being intrusive, this conversation offers a practical, hopeful roadmap.

We dive into the subtle habits that erode trust:

talking more than half the time, offering unsolicited advice
giving gifts with hidden strings—and how to replace them with adult-to-adult skills: empathy, permission-based feedback, and clear agreements.

Francine explains why tension can spike even after children are “launched,” how generational shifts created over-involvement, and why your body’s stress signals are a cue to pause, not push. We tackle money head-on, exploring when support fosters growth, how to set timelines and expectations, and how to recognize double messages that quietly sabotage connection.

If you’re ready to listen more, judge less, and build a relationship that feels mutual rather than parental, this episode will meet you where you are and show you the next step. Pick up Dr. Toder’s “Your Kids Are Grown: Parenting 2.0,” grab her Parenting 2.0 tip sheet, and join our community as we grow on purpose.

Please follow us on social media now. It helps us so much.

Facebook

Instagram

Huge thanks to Connie Gorant Fisher, our audio engineer.

Support the show

The site and podcast do not contain any medical/health information or advice. The medical/health information is for general information and educational purposes only and is not suitable for professional device. Accordingly, before taking any actions based upon such information, we encourage you to consult with the appropriate professionals. We do not provide any kind of medical/health advice. THE USE OF OR RELIANCE OF ANY INFORMATION CONTAINED ON THE SITE OR PODCAST IS SOLELY AT YOUR OWN RISK.