Listener question: what now?

[Follow up to 15 October podcast) 

Thank you so much for your podcast on my question.

I‘m trying to write to you and describe what happened but I don‘t really know how. After listening to your podcast I cried for a while.. a space opened up. And things felt very different than usually before concerts.. almost to the point that I got suspicious if I should become more nervous again.. Afterwards I had a beautiful concert experience. 

I almost feel a bit ungrateful to ask this follow up question but it seems somehow important right now.. 

If a concert is a moment where I get challenged to let go of my selfidentity.. What happens afterwards?

I noticed that after the concert I stayed in this amazing „open space“ for another two days. But slowly some habbits started coming back. I endet up occupying my mind with either TV or listening to podcasts, sort of trying to distract myself from something, but this time I didn‘t even know what I‘m trying to distract myself from..

I have two more concerts to play but I don’t have this clear vision anymore what needs to get done until then. Also I got a cold which is a thing that seems to happen quite often to me before important events..

I suspect that I‘m making up some stories there but can’t really see it.

It still feels like somethings are fundamentally different. I don‘t feel so tight and scared anymore.. it almost feels to me that I‘m scared of this new freedom. Is that possible?

Sorry for this long E-Mail..