Modern Psychedelics 133 | Nine Months After Iboga: Life is the Integration Plan
Released on my 35th birthday, this episode is a cozy conversation between me and one of my closest friends about iboga integration. We discuss what life has been like in the nine months since I had a shocking Iboga experience. One that allowed me to access the source of deepest shame within myself, after six years of working with psychedelic medicine. Since then, I have been given the opportunity to transform my relationship with that shame.
This is a cozy story time style episode where I reflect on everything I have been learning, integrating, releasing and opening up to, after iboga at etereo. I definitely haven't "figured it all out", and I am in still in process. This is a glimpse into it the inner work that helped me befriend my shadowiest shadow.
Show Links:
Topics covered:
- What Iboga reveals about self-deception, truth, and identity
- The shock and grief phase of post-Iboga integration
- Why integration often feels harder before it feels lighter
- Slow healing vs. making healing your whole personality
- Anxiety, thought spirals, and learning not to act from them
- Releasing control, oversharing, and curated self-image
- Cultural shame, father wounds, and returning to the Balkans
- Creativity as integration (photography, fashion, expression)
- Entering a secure romantic relationship after years of singleness
- Anxious attachment, earned security, and emotional regulation
- Living long-distance as part of the medicine’s curriculum
- Why “life is the integration plan”
- Stepping away from facilitation and the savior role
- Choosing to enjoy life without abandoning depth or devotion