A Slight Change of Plans “I Felt Like an Alien Impersonating Myself”
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Mar 17, 2026 
Rachel Gross, a science journalist who covers medicine and biology, recounts her 2024 cerebellar stroke and curious investigation into its effects. She describes strange motor and voice glitches, the dissonance of conscious effort versus automatic action, and the slow relearning of movement and identity. Conversation touches on fatigue, masking normalcy, and unexpected moments of embodied presence.
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When Automatic Actions Suddenly Require Effort
- Rachel Gross suddenly lost automatic control over everyday actions like handwriting, typing, running, and singing.
- Over a week she noticed increasing effort, panic attacks, tears, and finally went to urgent care where a CT revealed a cerebellar bleed (stroke).
Doctors Said You'd Still Be You
- Doctors told Rachel her stroke was in the cerebellum and reassured her she'd remain herself despite motor clumsiness.
- That medical framing contrasted with Rachel's felt experience of cognitive sluggishness and a changed sense of self.
Feeling Like An Alien Impersonator
- Rachel felt like an 'alien impersonating' herself because automatic choreography became conscious and jerky.
- Even simple subway navigation required an internal running commentary to coordinate movements safely.