#181 - Exclusion and the Power to Build New Friendships (with Amy Weatherly)

This week’s episode is an expansion to last week’s conversation with Dr. Noelle Santorelli about relational aggression, belonging vs. inclusion, and “mean mom groups.” The focus this week shifts from spotting unhealthy dynamics to the next (very hard) question: What should you do after you realize you’ve been excluded by the people you thought were your friends?

Bestselling author Amy Weatherly returns with a mix of empathy and tough love, reminding us that adult friendship is rarely cut-and-dry. Sometimes the table truly only held four for that event. And sometimes, those people simply aren’t your people. Either way, Amy’s message is clear: you have more power than you think.

Together, Amy and I unpack the gray areas of adult friendship and how popular online memes can be contradictory (“There's always room for everyone!” vs. “Protect your peace!”). We discuss why group-chasing usually backfires and how to build connection one brave invitation at a time.

In this episode, we talk about:

• Why adult friendship isn’t “everyone gets invited” the way it is in childhood
• The difference between "a bad heart" and a bad moment
• How labeling people as “mean” or “toxic” can keep you stuck
• Why it’s usually better to look for a friend, not a group
• How confidence (and self-reflection) changes everything
• The difficult reality: rejection is part of making friends
• Building your own “table” instead of trying to squeeze into someone else’s
• Amy: “The secret to being liked is to like other people.”
• Amy: “Friendship will favor those who are bold enough to be rejected.”

 

Links Mentioned: 

• Last week’s episode (#180) with Dr. Noelle Santorelli on relational aggression and navigating exclusion
• A version of the Ashley Tisdale story on Today.com
• Nina’s prior episode (#86) featuring Amy + Jess
• Amy's “go where the love is” friendship poem Nina referenced, which can be found on Amy and Jess's Facebook group, Sister I am With You.
• Dr. Janice McCabe in the NYT on "friendship markets"

Meet Amy Weatherly:

Amy Weatherly is the co-founder with Jess Johnston of the viral page all about friendship, Sister, I Am with You. They coauthored the new book, Here For It and the Wall Street Journal bestseller I’ll Be There (But I’ll Be Wearing Sweatpants) 

Find Sister I am With You on: Facebook, Instagram, and on their Website.

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Special thank you, as always, to my assistant producer, Rebekah Jacobs!