In this engaging discussion, Peter Fraenkel, an Associate Professor of Psychology and expert in last-chance couples therapy, shares insights from his extensive experience working with couples on the brink of separation. He delves into the Creative Relational Movement approach that breaks cycles of conflict by fostering vulnerability and addressing gender dynamics. Peter outlines key principles for effective therapy, suggests actionable strategies for couples, and explores common scenarios they face. His expertise shines as he offers hope for transformative change in strained relationships.
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insights INSIGHT
Action Trumps Insight
Insight alone rarely changes interactional behavior in couples.
Action and doing often produce motivation and change more than insight does.
insights INSIGHT
Motion Creates Motivation
High, consistent motivation is not required for therapeutic change.
Doing the practice (motion) often generates motivation and progress.
insights INSIGHT
Expect Awkward Early Change
Early attempts at new behaviors will feel artificial and irrational.
Normalizing that awkwardness helps couples persist through early practice.
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In this episode, I speak with Peter about his work with “last chance couples” -- couples on the brink of separation who are putting in potentially one final effort in therapy. Peter first gives us a history of how he began specializing in this demographic of couples, the cornucopia of therapeutic models he brings into his work, and the particular challenges these types of couples pose to the therapeutic approach. He speaks about the creative relational movement approach to change which he employs to break a couples’ systemic cycle of fighting. A common issue that these “last chance couples” have, is there is often very little to no internal motivation left to employ a change to their dynamic. Within this creative relational change approach, Peter speaks to the four premises that are important for the couple and therapist alike to understand to get on board with this process, and which of the four premises is most controversial to the field of psychology. He also talks about naming vulnerability as a good way to break the cycle of angry fighting, the challenges of a detached partner, and the often gendered dynamics that can either play into or disrupt the cycle of fighting. Peter shares four research-supported suggestions for couples to increase both the therapeutic credibility and therapeutic outcomes and the five most common “last chance couple” scenarios, including one he discovered after the publication of his book on the subject. Finally, Peter zooms out and leaves us with the big picture concept of how couples can adopt relational values to use as a compass to better guide their relationship on a daily basis.
Peter Fraenkel, Ph.D., is an Associate Professor of Psychology at City College of New York; former faculty at the Ackerman Institute for the Family and NYU Medical Center; and is in private practice in New York City. He is the author numerous peer-reviewed articles and chapters, and the books Last Chance Couple Therapy: Bringing Relationships Back from the Brink (2023, Norton); Sync Your Relationship, Save Your Marriage: Four Steps to Getting Back on Track; and is co-author of The Relational Trauma of Incest: A Family-Based Approach to Treatment. Peter lectures and conducts therapist trainings internationally. He received the American Family Therapy Academy’s 2012 award for Innovative Contribution to Family Therapy. He is a former Vice President and former Board Member of AFTA, a Board member of the Minuchin Center for the Family, and a reviewer for several family therapy journals. Peter is also a professional drummer and percussionist, and has performed and recorded worldwide.
Therapy on the Cutting Edge 
