FamilyLife Today® Why Teens and Preteens Don’t Listen (and How to Make Them Want To): Dr. Kathy Koch
Mar 4, 2026
Kathy Koch, Christian author and child-development expert who founded Celebrate Kids, offers a fresh take on connecting with middle schoolers and teens. She tackles performance-driven parenting and how to stop comparing. Short, practical strategies include better questions, coaching choices, and ways to be present so kids feel liked and seen.
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Middle School Worth Crisis
- Middle schoolers often feel worthless or invisible despite knowing theological truths about worth.
- Kathy Koch reports some kids say they know God made them yet still feel valueless in school, home, or youth group environments.
Ask How Can I Help You
- Ask children How can I help you instead of yes/no offers to respect their growing independence.
- Follow with multiple-choice options (space, supplies, answer, guidance) to make help concreto and accessible.
Ask What Makes You Think That
- Use Socratic questions like What makes you think that is true and What happens if you're wrong to prompt critical thinking.
- Kathy suggests these questions when teens present big choices (gender, dropping courses, quitting sports).
