HOW I LOST TWO SWEETHEARTS WITHOUT MEANING TO (HOW I BROKE MY OWN HEART)

In this deeply personal solo episode, Salma reflects on the two heartbreaks that changed her life (one romantic, one a friendship) and the painful realization that she was the one who ended them.

Two years ago, after losing her family, moving 19 times, living in survival mode, and spiraling through manic travel, chaos, and sexual hunger, Salma met two people who were sweet, sensitive, and safe. And when things started to feel intimate…she panicked.

For the first time, she explores her avoidant attachment - not the anxious narrative she used to blame men for, but the part of her that burns things down when they get too good. She opens up about how she pushed away Joaquin (the only man in America she’s slept with), how she sabotaged her friendship with Didi, and how her nervous system (dysregulated, grieving, and terrified of real intimacy) made her mistake sweetness for danger.

This episode includes excerpts from letters exchanged between Salma and her therapist as they closed two years of therapy together. It’s raw. It’s recent. And it’s the most honest she’s been about her patterns.

She talks about:

• Growing up in dysfunction and confusing chaos for connection
• Why her avoidance shows up when things are going well, NOT during conflict
• Trauma bonding vs. true intimacy
• Sexual imprinting, jealousy, and nervous system dysregulation
• Celibacy after heartbreak and assault
• Learning to “stay” instead of explode
• The difference between chasing unavailable men and allowing real love to bloom
• Being the first woman in her bloodline to choose a life not structured around marriage

Now, Salma is in uncharted territory: practicing slowness, living in her present reality in New York, and allowing a new connection to unfold without control, sabotage, or fantasy.

This episode is a love letter to Joaquin & Didi.
I’m sorry I lost you.

Recorded February 16, the last day of The Year of the Snake.

CREDITS: 

 Host & Creator: Salma Hindy

 Executive Producer: Salma Hindy

 Associate Producer: Rania Harris

 Writer & Editor: Salma Hindy

 Studio: 30 Irving Studios

 Artwork: Rana Omar

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