Curiouser and curiouser

confidence tips aren't actually helping you

Jan 28, 2026
They unpack how confidence culture turns systemic problems into personal failings. They contrast male pickup-style messaging with the pressure on women to perform a loud, extroverted confidence. They critique quick-fix tips and parenting or dating advice that treats confidence as an attractiveness skill. They explore alternatives like introspection, solidarity, and community support.
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INSIGHT

A Narrow Stereotype Of The Confident Woman

  • The stereotypical confident woman is loud, extroverted, and dominant, which alienates some personalities.
  • Leonie highlights that this narrow image excludes introspective or quieter women.
INSIGHT

Power In Both Outward And Inward Attention

  • Kasia Urbaniak frames dominance as outward attention and submission as inward attention, both valuable and balanced.
  • Leonie says introspection (submission) is necessary to know and ask for what you truly want.
INSIGHT

Independence Can Mask Avoiding Vulnerability

  • The 'independent woman' ideal can be the 'good girl 2.0' that discourages asking for help.
  • Leonie cites Urbaniak: independence often means doing everything yourself and ending up exhausted.
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