Coping with an Inconsistent or Alcoholic Parent: Guidance for the Parent Who’s There

Ask Rachel anything

When the other parent is inconsistent, or never turns up for your kid, it can be incredibly challenging for both of you. It's hard enough as it is, but can be even more challenging when they are abusing a substance, such as alcohol or drugs.

When a listener told us about the difficulty she has parenting a teen son whose absent dad is an alcoholic we thought it was an important subject, and one worthy of discussion.

So how do we support a tween or teen in this position? What do we say to them? How do we help them with the feelings they might be having?

The National Association for Children of Alcoholics suggests using this mantra:

• I didn’t cause it
• I can’t cure it
• I can’t control it
• I can care for myself by communicating my feelings, making healthy choices, and by celebrating myself.

BACK TO SCHOOL ISSUES:

• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-34-bunking-wagging-hooky-skiving-or-school-refusal-whatever-you-call-it-too-many-teens-are-doing-it-but-why/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-14-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-and-how-to-set-rules-that-your-teens-will-follow/
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/anxiety-how-to-help-your-teen-with-anxiety-according-to-renee-mill-senior-clinical-pscychologist/ 
• https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/parenting-tips-5-how-do-you-motivate-a-teenager-who-isnt-very-academic-what-to-do-when-your-teenager-says-they-want-to-give-up-their-musical-instrument-or-other-activity/

Support:
The National Association for Children of Alcoholics https://nacoa.org.uk/

https://allthingssimplywindy.com/how-to-deal-with-an-absent-dad/
https://www.weinbergerlawgroup.com/blog/newjersey-child-parenting-issues/help-children-handle-unreliable-parent/
https://www.empoweringparents.com/article/helping-a-child-cope-with-an-absent-parent/
https://fathers.com/blog/consistency/what-consistency-looks-like-in-a-dad-5-keys/
https://elisabettafranzoso.com/articles/types-of-damaging-fathers-how-they-influence-who-we-are
https://www.verywellfamily.com/how-to-talk-to-children-about-absentee-fathers-2997224
https://www.wikihow.com/Help-a-Child-Cope-with-a-No%E2%80%90Show-Parent
https://wehavekids.com/family-relationships/When-Daddy-Dont-Love-Their-Daughters-What-Happens-to-Women-Whose-Fathers-Werent-There-for-Them
https://www.joincake.com/blog/death-of-a-father-I-never-knew/
https://www.lipstickalley.com/threads/my-sons-father-is-inconsistent.4623629/
https://www.therecoveryvillage.com/alcohol-abuse/explaining-alcoholism-child/
https://www.parentingforbrain.com/parental-rejection/
https://www.riversidecounsellingservice.co.uk/2020/

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com 
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk