I Don't Know What I Want Sexually (Help)

Feb 6, 2026

Call-ins explore sexual self-discovery, from shame around masturbation to partners with different experience levels. Conversations cover learning your own turn-ons through solo play and mutual exploration. Topics include negotiating swinging or soft swaps with a clear rule, giving prostate pleasure, and reigniting desire by slowing down and removing penetration.

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INSIGHT

Experience Isn’t A Numbers Game

Sexual skill depends on curiosity, attention, and communication rather than partner count.
Emily emphasizes learning with a partner and evolving together to become a skilled lover.

ADVICE

Ask For Help Exploring Your Desires

Tell your partner you don't know what you want and ask them to help explore together.
Schedule exploration nights, mutual masturbation, and solo self-discovery to learn your sexual preferences.

ADVICE

Normalize Masturbation In Relationships

Normalize masturbation as a healthy practice and discuss its benefits with your partner.
Have open conversations, try mutual or separate masturbation, and stop perpetuating shame about solo sex.

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Whether you've been with your partner for ten months or ten years, knowing what you actually want in bed is harder than it sounds—especially if you never got the chance to explore. In this episode, Dr. Emily takes listener calls about the real challenges that keep couples stuck: shame around masturbation, mismatched experience levels, and the fear that fading passion means something's broken.

From a wife who's never had a partner ask what she wants to a husband hiding his solo sessions in the basement, Emily breaks down why sexual self-discovery isn't selfish—it's essential. She also tackles what to do when your partner wants to swing but you're not sure, and why taking penetration off the table might be the fastest way to bring the heat back.

In this episode, you'll learn:

• Why being a skilled lover has nothing to do with how many people you've slept with—and everything to do with curiosity and communication

• How to take the lead in bed without becoming a completely different person (even if you've always been submissive)

• The "hell yes or hell no" rule for navigating swinging, threesomes, and any sexual experience that makes you feel vulnerable

More Dr. Emily:

• Shop With Emily! Explore Emily’s favorite toys, pleasure accessories, bedroom essentials, and more — designed to support your pleasure and confidence. Free shipping on orders $99+ (some exclusions apply).

• Join the SmartSX Membership: Access exclusive sex coaching, live expert sessions, community building, and tools to enhance your pleasure and relationships with Dr. Emily Morse.

• Interested in 1:1 Coaching with Emily? Reach out to enrollment@sexwithemily.com to learn more!

• Sex With Emily Guides: Explore pleasure, deepen connections, and enhance intimacy using these Sex With Emily downloadable guides.

• The only sex book you’ll ever need: Smart Sex: How to Boost Your Sex IQ and Own Your Pleasure

• Want more? Visit the Sex With Emily Website

• Let’s text: Sign up here

• Want me to slide into your email inbox? Sign Up Here for sex tips on the regular.

Timestamps:

0:00 - Introduction

1:33 - McKenzie: Husband complains about sex life to others

4:36 - Why partner count doesn't determine sexual skill

6:14 - How to discover what you actually want in bed

9:37 - Experience is not a numbers game

10:43 - Dan: Feeling guilty about masturbating while married

13:06 - Why masturbation shame hurts relationships

15:41 - Sarah: Giving her husband a prostate orgasm for his 50th

19:04 - Switching from submissive to dominant in bed

23:02 - Alex: Girlfriend wants to try soft swapping

25:17 - Hannah: Taking sex off the table to reconnect

30:03 - Building intimacy without rushing to penetration

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