The Happiness Podcast 42 - The Big Lie We Were Told
Feb 18, 2020
A provocative take on how childhood conditioning turns approval, success and applause into lifelong emotional cravings. Discusses withdrawal when approval is withheld and how dependence blocks real love. Explores the difference between reliance for tasks and harmful emotional need, and argues for freedom from needing others to be happy.
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Childhood Conditioning Creates Approval Addiction
- Anthony de Mello recounts a child injected with heroin to illustrate how early conditioning creates lifelong cravings for external approval.
- The child was raised on a drug (approval), not nourishment, so withdrawal causes agonies and lifelong dependency.
Approval Feels Like A Drug That Controls Behavior
- de Mello argues society drugs us with the need for approval, success, fame, and prestige, which produces dependence and control by others.
- Applause and recognition feel intoxicating, so withholding them triggers withdrawal and constant seeking of reassurance.
Needing People Prevents Truly Seeing Them
- When you need someone you stop truly seeing them, because your attention is on extracting approval, votes, money, or other gain.
- de Mello gives examples: politicians needing votes and businesspeople craving money stop seeing people as persons.