Parenting Teenagers Untangled - Understand and Talk to Your Teenager

Teens and Anxiety: The Role We Parents Can Play. Vintage

Dec 24, 2025

Susie Asley, a mindfulness coach specializing in families and teens, shares her insights on teen anxiety. They explore rising adolescent anxiety, its complex causes, and the importance of mindfulness in calming the nervous system. Susie introduces the 'window of tolerance' concept, helping parents recognize emotional states to respond effectively. The discussion emphasizes parental influence, reframing anxiety to boost performance, and using family meetings to set rules collaboratively. They also address the risks of avoidance and the significance of natural consequences over punitive measures.

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ANECDOTE

Keep Sensitive Talks Short And Straight

Susie told her son about pornography briefly and warned him it would be cringy, then he joked but listened.
The short, matter-of-fact talk achieved the intended message without a long lecture.

ADVICE

Teach The Window Of Tolerance

Teach the 'window of tolerance' so teens notice when they're edging into hyper- or hypo-arousal.
Practice tools to remain inside the window and avoid overwhelm or shutdown.

ADVICE

Coach Parents To Reduce Teen Anxiety

Work with parents rather than only treating children; coaching parents to avoid indulging anxiety helps adolescents.
Parent-focused therapy produced the same child improvement as directly treating anxious children in a Yale study.

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Ask Rachel anything

The anxiety epidemic:
In 2020 the UK charity Mental Health Foundation surveyed more than 2,000 children and found 50 per cent of teenagers aged 13-19 were experiencing anxiety they found hard to control.

Substack notes and PDF to go with this episode:

https://substack.com/@teenagersuntangled/note/c-193100671?r=2u24i0&utm_source=notes-share-action&utm_medium=web

https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/p/the-rise-in-teen-anxiety

Suggested books:

· The Anxiety Workbook for Teens: Activities to Help You Deal with Anxiety and Worry

· Breaking free from Childhood Anxiety and OCD, Eli Lebowitz.

The Anxious Generation by Jonathan Haidt

https://www.anxiousgeneration.com/

Key points taken from UNWINDING ANXIETY: by Judson Brewer

Mindfulness is a key tool:

'If you feel anxious it’s an uncomfortable feeling so you start worrying about it. Worrying is seductive because it makes you feel like you’re doing something to get to a solution. All it does is to distract you from the negative emotion. It temporarily numbs the difficult feelings and feels more rewarding to your brain than the original emotion.'

'If your brain learns that worrying provides temporary relief, then whenever you’re anxious your brain will trigger worry. It becomes a compulsive habit over which you have no control, but the worrying makes you feel more anxious.'

· The first step to understanding your own anxiety is simply mapping your own habit loops/ What kind of situations trigger anxiety or other difficult feelings?

· Which behaviours has your brain learned to respond as a way to soothe or distract you?

· What is the result of those behaviours?'

When you get into an anxiety loop use:

RAIN:

Recognise difficult feelings.
Accept them and allow them to be there.
Investigate the sensations in your body and emotions bubbling up.
Note what’s going on, and simply observe yourself out of curiosity.

Resources:

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/04/23/health/mental-health-crisis-teens.html
https://www.forbes.com/sites/williamhaseltine/2021/08/25/depression-and-anxiety-double-in-youth-compared-to-pre-pandemic/?sh=22e0bfb2139f
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/feeling-anxious-dont-worry-its-good-for-you-s70jvtdbx
https://childmind.or

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Please don't hesitate to seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping. There's no shame in reaching out for support. When you look after yourself your entire family benefits.

My email is teenagersuntangled@gmail.com
My website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact me:
www.teenagersuntangled.com

Find me on Substack: https://teenagersuntangled.substack.com/
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You can reach Susie at www.amindful-life.co.uk