The Place We Find Ourselves 40 Love and War: Attachment and Intimate Relationships
4 snips
May 6, 2019 AI Snips
Chapters
Transcript
Episode notes
How Avoidant Attachment Becomes Adult Withdrawal
- Avoidant attachment forms when caregivers are dismissive, teaching children to self-soothe and avoid closeness.
- The avoidant child’s regulatory strategy becomes an adult action tendency of emotional withdrawal during intimacy.
Ambivalent Attachment Drives Escalating Bids
- Ambivalent attachment develops from inconsistent caregiving, producing anxiety about whether needs will be met.
- That unpredictability drives adults to escalate bids (criticism, anger) to test availability and secure attention.
Civil Wars Began As Reenactment
- Rachel describes monthly “Civil Wars” with her husband where she provoked fights to feel alive and noticed Michael withdraw behind a cold, aloof wall.
- She traced the pattern to childhood wounds and reenactment: fights soothed her ambivalent little girl while his avoidant wall protected his tender boy.