Making Room by Gather 5 Ways to Grow Meaningful Friendships
So many of us, without even realizing it, are doing the adult equivalent of walking across the cafeteria with our head down. I have come to learn that the way we communicate and act with the people around us either flashes an "I'm available and interested in friendship" signal Or "steer clear-not interested" siren.
Through my own journey to friendship and deeper connection I came to learn that some of my own patterns gave the wrong signal and perpetuated loneliness and disconnection. Here are 5 Ways to Grow & Show Interest in Friendships/Relationships:
1: Be specific in Making Plans:
The next time you say "let's get together", take out your calendar and make a date! I find that often we are being too courteous of the other person, which in turn leaves us both waiting for an invitation. Give yourself permission to show interest by making a plan AND trusting that the other person will set a boundary and be honest if they need to.
2: Remember & Acknowledge Milestones:
When you are with someone you are trying to grow a relationship with and you hear them reference an important date...take out your calendar, write it down and set an alert! When you see the alert, send flowers, send a text, show up- whatever it looks like! By celebrating when friends celebrate, and mourning when they mourn shows commitment.
3: Be Mindful of Communication Response Times:
This can be touchy, hear me out! Life is full, some seasons we are more responsive than others. Truthfully, I've been more delayed than I'd like these days. However we need to keep in mind...not responding- sends messages. Think of it like a dating relationship. If you thought you had a good first date and you don't hear back for a week, you assume they aren't interested (even, if maybe that's not true). Try to use phrases like "Hey, I see your message it's a busy week but I'll answer soon" to keep things clear and growing
4: Being Authentic & Vulnerable:
What do we all ask when we see each other, "Hey, how's it going." We have been conditioned to answer it with non-genuine answers. My challenge for us is to slowly and steadily allow ourselves to be more honest with those around us. To share more about what is really happening with life, work, family etc. Sometimes vulnerability can land flat. However what I'm finding is that over time authenticity invites more authenticity. When this isn't present in relationships, they stay at the surface. However, when we allow the roots to go deeper, the relationship grows stronger.
5: GO FIRST:
We live in a culture where we are all waiting to be asked. There is a value shift in life where kids are praised for going up to 'random people' and making friends, while adults are shamed for that very thing. If you are picking up on friend chemistry, likely you're spot on! Keep friendships growing by allowing yourself to respond to these very inner inklings. Be the one who extends the invitation, sends the text and shows up.
The community that we long for and the community that we need...starts with us! Join us for this rich conversion on this weeks Date with Kayt.