Brendan O'Connor “Mam knew she was loved, but I wish I told her more” Édaein O'Connell on grief of losing her mother
Mar 15, 2026
Édaein O'Connell, a Kerry freelance journalist who wrote about losing her mother, shares her warm, funny and complex memories. She talks about daily routines they treasured, the shock of a sudden illness and difficult medical choices. She reflects on grief’s physical surprises, small comforting signs and how family roles shifted after the loss.
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Mary The Dole And The Gift Of Curiosity
- Édaein O'Connell describes her mother Mary as a sociable civil servant known locally as "Mary the Dole" who loved people and conversation.
- Mary worked 40 years in the civil service, drove Édaein's interest in people and storytelling, and was famously nosy but deeply interested in others' lives.
Twice Daily Calls Became A Lifeline
- Édaein and her mother had a close adult relationship with daily calls; Édaein rang her twice daily when living away in Dublin.
- Their rituals included small updates and silly calls (e.g., telling her about a spider) that Édaein now deeply misses.
Texting A Number That No Longer Replies
- After her mother's death Édaein texts her old WhatsApp number and saves undelivered messages as a way to continue communicating.
- She regrets not saying "I love you" more, noting their rural family rarely spoke it aloud but always felt loved.