Being Born and Unborn

Greetings Friends,

This past weekend I had the opportunity to join the Pause Meditation community for a deep dive into practice around the theme of the beginner’s mind. In the Zen tradition we celebrate the beginner’s mind. For it is both the unborn buddha mind— our original mind which is always right here and our curious, open mind that is constantly being born anew.

So very much like the energy of spring, life is constantly bubbling up, recreating itself, blossoming in our awareness.

“In every adult there is a child – an eternal child, something that is always becoming, is never completed, and calls for unceasing care, attention, and education. That is the part of the human personality which wants to develop and become whole.” —Carl Jung

This podcast episode is a recording of the talk I gave about the Beginner’s Mind to the Pause Meditation Community and below is a guided meditation on recognizing the unborn buddha mind, the mind at home in itself.

Also, in celebration and praise of the one who is always being born (tomorrow is my birthday) and to the unborn buddha mind in us all—I wanted to share a fairy tale I wrote.

Fairy tales, folklore, myths and stories have been with us throughout human history. I find that they invite us into the mystery, as they attempt to story and image that which we can’t explain. They can leave us open to a world ensouled and to the inexplicable nature of reality.

I’ve always appreciated that two folktales are included in the Mumonkan, one of the more popular collections of Zen koans and teaching stories. Like koans and dreams, fairytales invite us to consider all the characters, animals and landscape as our mind, as the various manifestations of one psyche.

Happy Birthday, may you enjoy this tale and the great dream of this life!

Also, starting tonight during the Monday Night Dharma practice we will be exploring the Mountains and Rivers Sutra by Dogen Zenji. I have some curiosity about practicing with this sutra during this seemingly apocalyptic time on the planet. How can the teachings of Mountains and Rivers and the unborn Buddha Mind meet us in this moment? What happens when we bring all our doubts, fears, confusions, grief, longings, etc. to this sutra & to our practice?

the girl, the magician and the great tree (a fairy tale)

Once upon a time there was a forest and in that forest there was a girl. The girl loved the forest and the forest loved the girl. By day the sun shone brightly, and she herself was radiant, she paraded with the panthers and lounged with the lions. At night the stars became her blanket and she dreamed vivid colorful dreams. She always felt safe and protected in her forest home.

Time passed and the girl grew older. Her body started to change and with that change the forest seemed to change too. Parts of the forest grew dark. She often heard strange sounds, bad sounds, sounds that no being should ever hear—coming from those shadows.

The girl started to feel fear and spent more time by herself. One misty morning as the girl was walking alone, a magician appeared from the shadows and greeted her. He told her he was on a journey to find the Great Tree, as he was hoping to make a prayer so that he may gather its fruit as medicine for his ailing mother, who was sick at home with night terrors.

The girl once knew the Great Tree well. It was the place in the forest she first called home. Its bark was like the ocean, its roots ran through the entire forest and its fruit was splendid, every imaginable food and medicine grew from its branches. She and the animals would eat its fruit, and take its medicine whenever they were sick or injured. The Great Tree always provided them with all they could ever need.

She wanted to help the boy find the Tree she loved so much. But she couldn’t remember where it was. Every path once led to the Great Tree, but now they all seemed to end in the shadows. Suddenly it hit her that she didn’t know where she was. She honestly couldn’t remember the last time she had been to the Great Tree.

Instinctively, she reached into her pocket to touch the two golden seeds she kept there. Instead of providing comfort and clarity, as they usually did, she fell into a deep sleep. The magician took the golden seeds from her hands and immediately knew the way to the Great Tree.

When the girl finally awoke she realized her golden seeds were gone. These were all she had from the Great Tree. It was like her whole life was being stolen from her, and she was left in the darkest of dark places.

Then, a raven appeared and lifted the girl up by her shoulders, flying her deeper into the dark. Before the girl knew what was happening the raven cawed three times and released her. There she was face to face with an opening door and a huntsman.

“You knocked?” Said the huntsman. “Well I did, and I didn’t” responded the girl.

The huntsman liked this answer and he invited her to come in, as he was just about to fix his morning coffee and toast, and thought she might like to join him.

As she entered the abode she caught her breath. The house was decorated exclusively with the skin and fur from bears. She had never been in the company of someone who hunted. She had heard about them from the stories the animals would tell her—back when the animals could talk, and she could understand them.

She was afraid and started to talk, “I don’t know why I am here or even where I am. I was walking in the forest and I met this strange man. He was looking for the Great Tree. A place I used to know, that used to be my home but, I don’t know where it is anymore. I used to eat from it and use its fruit to heal the animals. Now the forest is dark and I feel confused and afraid all the time,” she blurted out.

The huntsman’s face showed both care and concern. “You don’t know who you are, do you?” said the huntsman. And gave out a little chuckle, which eased the girl.

“Should I? No one has ever asked me who I am.” “Ah, yes. We all have names.” said the huntsman. “For example, I am called Beir. I speak the language of the bear, they are part of my family and let me take their life so that my people can eat. The bears have been sick recently, something is out of balance. I think you might be able to help me.” Beir said.

He went upstairs and came back with a bow and a silver arrow. “This is for you,” he said to the girl. “I want you to carry this. I suspect when you discover who you are, you are going to need this. This silver arrow, when used with Integrity, has the power to bring your Great Tree back to life and restore balance to the forest.”

The girl doesn’t understand, but there is something about the care in his eyes, the confidence in his voice and his own courage that allows her to accept the bow with the silver arrow. They sit together in silence drinking coffee and eating toast with huckleberry jam. When suddenly they hear the howl of a wolf from very close by. Beir stands and opens the door letting in a gust of wind that blows into the house and lifts the girl out of her seat and into the cold, dark forest again.

“I thought it was morning,” the girl thinks as she tries to pull herself up and orient to where she is now. But before she can, the wolf races by and throws her up on his back and races through the shadowy maze of paths. The wolf howls three times, places her down on the forest floor and speeds off. She looks up to a door opening, and two snakes slithering up the arms of an old woman.

“You rang?” Says the old snake woman, her silver hair gleaming in the moonlight. “I did and I didn’t.” Says the girl again, surprised that it is already night time. “Well, well you must come in then,” says the woman smiling. “You’ve already met Lok and Ki,” she says with a soft cackle.

The cottage is dark aside from these blue-white spheres that seem to self-illuminate on the walls. They look like mirrors but when the girl stands in front of them, she doesn’t see her own reflection. “Ah, child, you don’t know who you are,” the woman says, kindly. “Why is everyone saying this to me today?” the girl replies slightly annoyed but also curious.

“The mirrors reflect what we fear, until we can truly rest in our nature. You seem to have lost yourself. And you’re afraid you won’t be found.” The girl wants to ask if she is findable. But she feels embarrassed and a little confused by this whole thing. She likes the woman though, she likes how strange and direct she is. How she feels like the river and the open sky—refreshing, clear and free simultaneously.

“Do you have a name?” the girl asks. “I am called snake woman by some, witch by others, but those close to me call me Crystalanne.” The girl feels like she knows things, things that have not yet happened but will happen…

“I’m making some mugwort tea, come drink with me and I will fix you a place to sleep. I have a sense that you need to have a dream while you are here.” As the girl sips her tea, Crystalanne tells her stories about the many lives she has lived.

That night the girl does dream. She dreams of the Great Tree and of the forest she once knew. In the dream the Great Tree is sick. Someone has cast a spell on it, something dark has entered its roots and turned its abundant medicine to poison. The animals are sick and tired, and the sun has stopped shining in the forest.

The girl wakes up and tells Crystalanne the dream. Crystalanne listens attentively. She nods, but does not seem distressed. “Ah, yes. This is what you needed to see,” Crystalanne says after some time. “Are you ready to return to your tree and heal the forest?” “Me?” the girl asks, “I am not a hero, I don’t know how to heal the forest.” “Oh, but you do, dear.” Crystalanne says, “So you must. Time is running out.”

Crystalanne goes into another room and comes out with a locket. “When the time comes, open this and you will see your true self.” She says as she hands the girl the locket. Then she goes over to the door, cracks it a bit and a mighty wind sweeps in and blows the girl out of the cottage. She tumbles in the air before landing on the body of a giant white and blue viper. She clutches her bow with the silver arrow in one hand and her locket in another. “I want to know who I am,” she says aloud.

Just then the viper vanishes and the girl lands standing on the darkening roots of the Great Tree. The magician is already there. “What are you doing to the Great Tree? The forest is sick, I thought you wanted to help heal your mother.” The girl asserts. “My mother is ill. This whole world is her nightmare now and I want everyone to experience it,” laughs the magician.

“I can’t let you do that.” The girl says, remembering what Beir said about Integrity. “This is my home, this Great Tree gives life to the entire forest and all the animals—I have come to stop you.” She takes her bow and silver arrow and aiming right at the boy’s chest, she shoots. The arrow speeds from the bow, faster than light and pierces the boy’s heart. He falls to the ground releasing the golden seeds.

The girl collects the seeds and begins to pray. She prays for the forest, for the Great Tree, she prays for the boy and his sick mother, she prays for all of the animals. Her prayers get stronger, as if light were being emitted from her mouth.

And, slowly the oceanic blue can be seen flowing through the Great Tree’s bark, and the sun’s radiance begins to shine on the forest again. Before long the abundant fruit is growing on the Great Tree’s branches and the animals return to eat and heal.

“This is me. This is who I am. I am the forest and I am a healer. My name is Amala.” The girl roars in a new voice—stronger than the one she used before. As she speaks she feels the locket pulse and something stirs from behind her.

The boy rises. He winks at her. “And I am Bhatt. I am a great magician who had a spell cast over me by my mother. Your silver arrow freed me from the spell. And allowed my mother to finally rest in peace. Thank you, I am forever grateful to you.”

Amala knows that Bhatt would be her human love. She felt clear that he was her equal and that they had much to learn from each other. With this knowing her locket pulsed again. This time she holds it in her hand and opens it. Peering inside she sees the the raven, the grizzly bear, Bier, the wolf, Lok and Ki, Crystalanne and the giant white viper, she sees the Great Tree with its oceanic bark, the radiant forest, all of the animals and the dark mystery of the cosmos, and then there is her face full of joy connected to the entire forest.

“This is who I am,” she says. “And it’s good, all good.”

The light and the dark, the sickness and the medicine, the joy and the sorrow. It’s all good.

Weekly Online Meditation Event

Monday Night Dharma — 6P PT / 9P ET Join weekly for drop-in meditation and dharma talk. We are currently exploring the Mountains and Waters Sutra by Dogen Zenji.

Feel free to join anytime. Event lasts about 1.5 hours. ZOOM LINK

In-Person in Oregon

Light of the Ancestors Sesshin—May 11 - 17 at Great Vow Zen Monastery

Grasses, Trees and the Great Earth—

In-Person in Columbus, Ohio through Mud Lotus Sangha

Weekly Meditations on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday

Retreats, Meditation instruction and other events can be found on our website.

Upcoming Sesshins at Saranam Retreat Center in West Virginia

Mountains and Rivers Sesshin March 18 - 22 (Registration is now open!)

Mountains are high and wide. The movement of clouds and the inconceivable power of soaring in the wind comes freely from the mountains. —Dogen Zenji, Mountains and Waters Sutra

During this silent, Zen-style retreat we will practice with the mountains and waters, opening to our own mountain-stability and the flowing nature of all experience.

Meditation provides the opportunity for intimacy with self and world, recognizing the interconnectedness of this very life. Healing and transformation happen as we abide in the mystery of who we truly are.

This will be a silent meditation retreat. After an initial meal, set-up and orientation we will enter noble silence. Supporting each other in connecting with our own inner silence, stability and confidence. We will follow a rigorous daily schedule which includes roughly seven hours of seated meditation, interspersed with periods of walking meditation, chanting practice, dharma talks, opportunities to check-in with one of the practice leaders, outdoor meditation sessions, mindful eating practice during meals, a late morning care-taking practice and breaks where participants have the opportunity to rest, exercise and explore the beautiful grounds and nature.

Interdependence Sesshin June 29 - July 5 (save the date, registration opens soon!)

I’m Amy Kisei. I am a Zen Buddhist Teacher, Spiritual Counselor, Astrologer and Artist. I offer 1:1 Spiritual Counseling sessions using IFS and Hakomi (somatic mindfulness). I also offer astrology readings. Check out my website to learn more. I currently live in Columbus, OH and am a supporting teacher for the Mud Lotus Sangha.

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit amykisei.substack.com/subscribe