What to Say When Your Kid Leaves the Church: Joseph Grenny & Jeff Strong

12 snips

Apr 2, 2026

Guest

Jeff Strong

Guest

Joseph Grenny

Jeff Strong, a researcher of faith-transition conversations, and Joseph Grenny, a specialist in crucial conversations and behavior change, offer practical, research-backed guidance. They unpack high-stakes talks when loved ones leave the Church. Topics include how stress hijacks conversations, why devout relatives often miss the mark, how to pause and re-engage, and scripts for staying connected rather than reactive.

Ask episode

AI Snips

Chapters

Books

Transcript

Episode notes

ANECDOTE

Daughter Drops Faith Bomb On Devout Mother

Joseph Grenny recounts a daughter telling her devout mother via video call that she and her husband asked to have their names removed from the church.
The mother panics, asks accusatory questions like "Did Chad put you up to this?", and the daughter remembers tone and words for life.

INSIGHT

Talking Under The Influence Explains Hurtful Reactions

Grenny introduces the concept TUI (talking under the influence) where stress hormones hijack reasoning in high-stakes faith conversations.
He links those chemical responses to lifelong relationship damage from a few reactive words or tones.

INSIGHT

Conversation Quality Trumps Belief For Retention

Jeff Strong shares research: 83% in transition reach out and ~40% of those conversations go poorly, especially with devout listeners.
How a conversation goes influences continued participation in the faith community more than the individual's beliefs.

Get the Snipd Podcast app to discover more snips from this episode

Get the app

Today we’re asking: what do you do when someone you love tells you they’re leaving the Church? What do you say? How do you stay grounded and connected when the stakes feel high or you’re caught off guard?

We sat down with two longtime friends of the podcast—authors and researchers Joseph Grenny and Jeff Strong—to explore these high-stakes moments when someone is ready to talk about their shifting faith.

Drawing on research from over 500 real-life conversations about faith transitions, Joseph and Jeff uncover something both surprising and sobering: statistically, it’s devout parents and church leaders who are most likely to miss the mark in these conversations.

They suggest this isn’t about a lack of love or sincerity—but consequences of a very natural response to fear. Jeff and Joseph call it a TUI—talking under the influence. When the amygdala takes over, stress floods the system, and the thinking brain goes offline. What looks like a communication problem is actually a chemical one, and even the most well-intentioned among us can say things that damage relationships for years.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. Today, Joseph and Jeff show us how to recognize when we’re under the influence, how to pause before we cause harm, and how to come back grounded and clear—so that we can choose connection over control, curiosity over fear.

With General Conference this weekend and Easter just days away—seasons that bring families together and open the door naturally, to these conversations—we hope this episode reminds you that you’re not alone, and that these hard moments, can become the fertile ground for relationships that are deeper, more honest, and more connected than they were before.

You can also read and share an essay called "Messy Conversations: When Loved Ones Leave the Faith" by Joseph Grenny at faithmatters.org.

Listen to Sanctuary: Discovering the Temple on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, YouTube, Substack, or wherever you get your podcasts.