Before Breakfast

Second Cup: Mind your manners online

Mar 15, 2026
A quick chat about using please and thank you to calm online fights. A look at why tone gets lost on screens and comes across harsher. Tips for wording messages to cool tensions and when it may or may not be worth joining an online argument. Practical habits for keeping emails civil.
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INSIGHT

Politeness Changes Online Tone

  • Online communication lacks nonverbal cues, so readers often assume the worst and misread tone.
  • Charles Duhigg's cited study found simply adding please and thank you reduced tension in online arguments, cooling the conversation.
INSIGHT

Small Phrases Reframe Requests

  • Small courteous phrases reframe requests and disagreements from demands to reasonable exchanges, lowering emotional temperature.
  • Examples: thank you for sharing before a rebuttal and please let me know after a question both soften the interaction.
ADVICE

Prioritize Civility To Reach Solutions

  • Avoid escalating online by shouting with words; prioritize civility to enable compromise or workable solutions.
  • If you value an online community, be doubly mindful to use polite language so discussions stay constructive.
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