Parenting values, beliefs and rules for living

Listener question: I have a question which relates to teenage children and my developing understanding around this conversation. 
As a parent I’ve loved, supported and guided my children on their path to become independent young people. When they behave in a way which goes against my own values, beliefs, and rules for living, I find myself in a state of suffering. I’m beginning to see that this suffering is caused by my own need to feel in control in order that my ‘self’ feels stable. I guess you would say that their behaviour is nothing to do with me and that I shouldn’t take it personally, but I do, as I feel it is my responsibility and I’ve always taken my responsibilities seriously, especially when it comes to my children. 
This is where I’m a little stuck, can you point me in the direction to see something different here please? It all looks so real when I’m in the thick of it all! Is it just a question of letting go of resistance and control?