The Opinions What Do You Do When a Family Member Commits a Terrible Crime?
Apr 2, 2026
Harriet Clark, author and daughter of Judy Clark who served 37 years in prison, reflects on growing up with an incarcerated parent. She recounts weekly prison visits, how rituals kept her mother present, and the differences between facilities. Conversations cover shielding children from trauma, sustaining ties safely, collective care versus carceral logic, and reentry and accountability.
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Weekly Prison Visits Built A Real Childhood Relationship
- Harriet Clark visited her mother every weekend as a child and used a Children's Center to play and make crafts during visits.
- Family members read prison letters, looked up birds her mother described, and kept dolls by the phone to help maintain normal parent-child routines.
Absence Becomes A Harmful Black Hole Without Connection
- Children of incarcerated parents need connection to avoid the absent parent becoming a mythic black hole in their lives.
- Harriet explains that continued gestures from the parent — calls, letters, efforts to connect — counteract the existential harm of abandonment.
Make Visits Kind And Companion Children Through Prison Reality
- Do companion and love children within the reality of a parent's incarceration rather than trying to erase that reality.
- Make visits pleasant (milkshake stops, quiet time) and let family members help explain and support the child.