What’s the difference between having boundaries and going deeper into discomfort?

I came across your podcast about a year ago and love your take on non-duality and the crucial piece of allowing the experience to be had rather than using a non-dual conversation to bypass it.

I have a question regarding the 15th February episode where you talk about going in deeper where there is discomfort or anxiety, and in the case of your friend with the anxiety about driving, to drive as much as possible.

Over recent years, I have come to see that there was narcissistic abuse taking place in my family of origin. This discovery, together with exploring where behaviour really comes from, has been both painful and liberating and has shed an entirely new light on my tendency to prioritise pleasing others over my wellbeing.

My parents are separated and now my mum is in her 70s and showing signs of dementia. She is even more emotionally fragile than she has always been. In her world, she knows better than everyone and has to teach them or put them in their place, and she will be vitriolic towards anyone who doesn’t see the world as she does. It has always been this way but now it’s like the filters are gone and it’s expressed much more openly. I can see the innocence in it and yet, it doesn’t make any sense to me to engage with her or spend time with her. It doesn’t feel right to make myself available as an emotional dumping ground, and there’s a jolt to the nervous system when she is aggressive towards me, which then impacts on how I function in my own life.

So my question is, in a case like this, what’s the difference between having boundaries and going in deeper where there’s discomfort? I don’t think you are saying this but sometimes it feels like you are saying that I should spend as much time as I can hanging out with my mum so that I can feel the discomfort. My whole nervous system screams NO to that, and it seems that limiting or perhaps even ceasing contact would make sense for the health of THIS bodymind. Would you say that this is bypassing? Also I know in reality, no one else is coming to sort out care for her and I will have to have some sort of contact with her as part of this process.

Thank you for reading this and I would absolutely love to hear your take on it.