How is it for you? Listener question

I hope you are keeping well... I love all your work and pointings to who we truly are..it's been so helpful....

I wanted to ask you what is it like for you living from a place of openness and surrender... What does it feel like to let life live you?   I know you said it wasn't always like that for you, especially around speaking up at meetings and the anxious feelings that arose from being in certain situations.. 

How has life changed for you?   Do you still experience your conditioning and learned behaviours or are they only very faint and in the background...how do I get out of my own way? 

I'm curious as I'm exactly as you used to be afraid to speak up at meetings and shy away from public speaking as my face goes bright red and I basically say the bare minimum 😊...

It's ironic really that I ended up in an organisation that is all about marketing, a lot client facing  and surrounded by Uber confident people who can speak off the cuff..  I really feel like a fish out of water and have ended up where I am as I had no clue of my true nature and what my heart really longed for.. 

Apologies for the long winded email and so many questions!