388: [Soapbox] Comfort and Growth Cycles in Long Term Relationships

In this soapbox episode recorded on the road, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman shares a concept from David Schnarch about the natural rhythm of long-term relationships: alternating comfort cycles and growth cycles. Growth cycles require effort, change, and transformation, and when partners do that work they earn a new “normal” they can relax into until the next growth phase arrives. Jessa explains that couples may be pushed into growth by external changes (such as shifts in sexual functioning or illness) or by complacency, routine, and unspoken dissatisfaction when someone avoids “rocking the boat” until it becomes urgent. She reframes these moments as normal opportunities to adapt, refocus, experiment, and reconnect, and reassures listeners that intense effort is usually temporary and leads back to renewed comfort.00:00 Show Intro00:45 On the Road Setup01:09 Comfort and Growth Cycles01:39 How Growth Creates Comfort02:39 What Triggers Growth02:46 Change and Health Events03:15 Complacency and Avoidance04:20 Reframing Crisis as Opportunity04:50 Reassurance and Takeaways05:08 Outro and Credits

This is a public episode. If you'd like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit jessazimmerman.substack.com/subscribe