Fear and expansion: listener question

I havent been on holiday abroad since 2017. In June 2018 I was ill with GAD and couldn't go on holiday with my husband and daughter. I came back in taxi and they went alone. That same year in November 1st my husband aged 51 passed away from sepsis at the hospital I worked at for 16 years, due to negligence. We won our case it was an awful experience. My anxieties are more to do with me all my life and are not about my husband if you understand what I mean. Grief is a completely emotion. I was very strong I have been told. I have been in a new healthy relationship for 2 years now and both our children get on amazingly. No problems at all, only my personal anxieties that never go away. So the main issue is going on holiday abroad. All the family want to go and I am having to say no I can't. I feel like a let down as I know everyone wants to go but I'm so afraid to commit in case the same thing happens because when I am hit by my anxiety I am very ill and I spiral right down to the pit of doom. I know the answer is to do the thing but I'm so afraid. That's why I'm doing your courses. You're the only person who seems to resonate in a different way. X