The struggle of thought vs thought

Listener question: I am really struggling today with panic and anxiety. I am finding myself trying to feel the fear and do it anyways for my son. Part of me wants to show him that even though I don’t feel well at all that I don’t give up. Then my mind flips to, why am I pushing myself through something that I know will be hell and do I want him to see me have another panic attack in the car? Can I hide this much longer? If I give in to my fear then I am left with guilt. It seems as though everything I learn and absorb in podcasts and programs goes out the window the minute my stomach starts acting up then the anxiety starts shouting at me. Oh I just want it to be quiet in my mind.