The One Question You're Not Asking Yourself: Nicole Zasowski on Learning to Hope Again

“We can think and act our way to a new feeling. We cannot feel our way to a new way of thinking and acting.”

That line from therapist and author Nicole Zasowski cuts to the heart of anxiety, addiction, and the stories we tell ourselves when life feels uncertain. Nicole is the author of What If It’s Wonderful?—a book built around a disarming and deeply important question: What if, instead of bracing for the worst, we allowed ourselves to hope?

In this conversation, Nicole shares how a season marked by loss, miscarriage, and prolonged uncertainty exposed her own coping mechanisms—performance, control, and pessimism disguised as realism. She explains why catastrophizing isn’t just negative thinking but a form of control, and why preparing for the worst often robs us of joy without actually protecting us from pain.

We also explore the connection between shame and escape, how feelings can be real without being true, and why naming what’s happening inside us is essential for healing. Nicole offers practical ways to interrupt shame cycles, retrain the brain toward hope, and steward pain without glorifying it. This episode is an invitation to tell ourselves a truer story—about who God is, who we are, and what might still be possible.

We explore:

— Why catastrophizing feels responsible but quietly fuels anxiety
— How the brain learns fear faster than hope
— The difference between feelings that are real and thoughts that are true
— Why shame often drives both anxiety and addictive behaviors
— How performance and control masquerade as faith
— What miscarriage and unresolved grief revealed about Nicole’s inner life
— Why hope is not denial, but courage
— Practical ways to retrain anxious thought patterns
— How naming internal experiences leads to healing
— What it looks like to tell a truer story about God and ourselves

Website: https://www.nicolezasowski.com

Books: What It's Wonderful? and Daring Joy

Follow Nicole on Instagram: @nicolezasowski

Follow Jon: @jonseidl

Order Jon's new book, Confessions of a Christian Alcoholic.

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