A New Way of Being Why People Pleasing Happens (And How To Stop)
Mar 11, 2026
A deep dive into why people pleasing starts as a childhood survival strategy and how it can drain you. The conversation explores resentment, exhaustion, anxiety, and how the nervous system links approval with love. Practical practices include noticing the urge to please, welcoming the underlying fear, and meeting the inner scared child with compassion to loosen the pattern.
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People Pleasing Is A Childhood Survival Strategy
- People pleasing often originates as a childhood survival strategy linking approval to safety and love.
- Simon Mundie explains parents' emotional withdrawal teaches children to please to retain belonging, which later drains energy and causes resentment.
Ruminating Signals Avoided Fear
- Anxiety and ruminating thoughts often signal avoidance of an underlying felt sensation like fear.
- Simon points out the mind prefers rumination to feeling intense sensations because the nervous system still equates approval with love.
Welcome The Feeling Instead Of Forcing Change
- Stop trying to forcibly quit people pleasing and instead notice the pattern, body contraction, and welcome the feeling with intention.
- Simon recommends an attitude of gratitude toward the pattern and a commitment to feel it like a nurturing parent meeting a scared child.