The Mark Groves Podcast #475: Parents Have Feelings Too with Hilary Jacobs Hendel
Sep 15, 2025
Hilary Jacobs Hendel, a psychotherapist and author of "Parents Have Feelings, Too," joins for an insightful discussion on the emotional complexities of parenting. They delve into her innovative "Change Triangle" tool, emphasizing that emotions aren't good or bad but essential for understanding ourselves. Hilary highlights how unprocessed feelings can lead to mental health issues and the importance of modeling emotional fluency for children. Through practical advice and storytelling, she advocates for creating safe spaces for emotional expression, transforming parenting dynamics.
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Guilt Masks Core Emotions
- Many parents feel guilty about emotions and equate sadness or fear with weakness, especially men.
- Those suppressed feelings often re-emerge as anger or lashing out in parenting situations.
Process Feelings To Reduce Defenses
- Name feelings, sense them in the body, and allow them to move rather than pushing them down.
- Processing emotions saves energy and reduces defenses like addiction, aggression, and numbness.
Suppressed Emotions Create Symptoms
- Unprocessed core emotions bind with anxiety, guilt, and shame producing chronic symptoms like depression and addiction.
- Defenses are creative survival strategies but create long-term nervous system dysregulation.
